Page 64 of The Pass Protection
Halftime arrives, and the band takes the field, lining up in formation for the spectacular performance they are known for, as my stomach growls.
“Wanna go fight the crowd with me and grab a pretzel?”
She nods, shaking her bottle. “Let’s grab more drinks too.”
Squeezing down our aisle, we make it to the stairs, where we have to climb Everest to reach the top. Brynn gave me her front-row tickets to use today. I have to say, the seats are phenomenal, and I need to figure out how she got them so I can secure them next year after she graduates.
Weaving through the crowd, my senses are filled with the smells of freshly popped popcorn and hot dogs as I search for a concession stand without a giant line. Between the noise of excited fans and my happiness radiating around me, I feel like I am walking on a cloud.
“I’m going to grab our beers,” Liv says, gesturing to the little convenience store across the aisle from the stand. “Order me a pretzel with cheese, too?”
I nod before joining the long line of hungry fans, which seems to move at a snail’s pace. When I finally have our pretzels, I turn to search for her in the sea of red, white, and powder blue, and that’s when everything stops.
My body freezes like I’ve just been struck by Elsa’s icy powers.
Just beyond the crowds of people, my eyes lock onto a figure standing a few rows away. My heart stops, and a chill causes my spine to stiffen as my blood freezes, and a cold sweat breaks out over my body.
It’shim.
The man who has made the last year a living, breathing nightmare. The real-life boogeyman who is no longer hiding beneath my bed but staring me in the eyes.
Noise fades away as the roaring sound of my blood pumping fills my ears. My stomach clenches as I’m hit with an onslaught of terror that I thought was in my past. The feeling of security from moving states away vanishes in an instant. I’m thrown back in time to being weak and naïve. The urge to blink forces me into a dilemma of wanting to see if this is a dream or risk blinking and losing sight of him.
This can’t be happening. Did he follow Liv to get to me? Oh my god. What if he’s been stalking her this whole time, hoping she’d lead him to me? And we just played right into his game.
Panic rises in my chest, my breathing coming in short, sharp gasps. Nausea sweeps over me as my hands holding the pretzels begin to shake. My legs feel like lead. It’s as if they’re cemented to the ground. The corners of my eyes start to dizzy as my vision tunnels.
I feel exposed and vulnerable. The sense of security I’ve been building begins to crumble around me like shattered glass.
“Bret! Bret!” A panic-filled voice starts to make its way through my hearing. I begin to blink rapidly as my vision focuses on panicked eyes staring back at me. Liv snaps her fingers in front of my face, trying to get my attention. “Bret.Babe. It’snothim.”
Slowly, her words start to sink in the more she repeats that it’s not him, not the monster.
“You’re okay.” Her voice is soft and calming. “I’m here with you.”
My focus starts to come back as she continues to talk me through the panic attack. I’m forever grateful that she came with me to a few therapy appointments at the beginning. My therapist showed Liv how to talk me through any sort of unease or panic attack.
Her head bobs in front of me, and I’m unsure if she’s reassuring me or herself. “I know you’re scared right now, and that’s okay, but you’re safe. You’re safe here with me. Now, take slow, deep breaths. Let’s do them together.”
We breathe in through our noses and count to four—which she does for me. Holding our breath for another four counts before she encourages me to exhale through my mouth as she counts to four again.
My body starts to relax as my heart rate slows and the trembling subsides.
“How are you doing?”
I nod, eyes still bouncing around the faces who stare back at me as if I’m crazy. And hell, maybe I am. Perhaps I’m the girl who loses her shit out of the blue.
“I’m fine.” The words come out shaky.
“Good.” Liv rubs my arm. “Keep focusing on your breathing, slow breaths. Can you tell me five things you see?”
I take a few more measured breaths and list five things I see. “A weird eagle hat, a TV, the team store, pretzels, and beer.”
Liv offers me a reassuring smile. “Good, babes. Want to head back to your place?”
“No.” I shake my head. “No, he’s not taking this away.”
“That’s my badass bestie.” She squeezes my forearm. I didn’t realize she was still holding. “Come on.”
