Page 134 of Heartless Heathens
A scratchy cough made its way out of my chest and I rolled out from underneath Corvin’s arm before tapping my way to the kitchen and getting a glass of water. I chugged it down too fast, making my stomach hurt and having to push down the wave of nausea that followed from it.
I filled the glass up again, and walked back down the hallway.
I didn’t knock.
I didn’t need to.
When you offered yourself to the Devil willingly, there was no need for an invitation.
I turned the knob and walked in. The scent of his cologne lingered in the air, invading my senses. It brought a type of longing that filled my heart and made it heavy. Drifting away from Sonny was a kind of pain I didn’t know would scar me up from the inside out.
But I had no idea what I’d done to create the rift between us, let alone how I could heal it. I placed the glass of water next to his bedside, louder than I’d intended to. I stared down at him, always so peaceful like this but no one got to see it. It was like all of the hardness was stripped away from his features. I wanted to bring him that kind of serenity, but it seemed like all I did now was deepen the scowls that were permanently fixed to his awoken state.
He kept pushing me away, and like an idiot I kept coming back.
Did I like pain, or did I just have no idea how to live without it?
I couldn’t discern the difference.
Maybe I didn’t need to.
“You reek of sex,” he said without opening his eyes.
I flushed from embarrassment and turned to leave the room without saying a word. Instead, I felt his hand around my wrist and I froze in place.
“I didn’t say go,” he said with a hoarse voice.
I turned back to face him, his bright blue eyes fixed onto where his hand gripped me tightly before he moved them up to my face.
“How do you feel?” I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him.
“Like death. You’re okay?” he asked.
“I am. Thanks to you.” He squeezed around my wrist a bit tighter and I held my breath.
He tugged me down, wrapping his arms over my chest and pulling my back to him. His exhales were deep and long and felt hot against my shoulder. Sonny Santorini was massive compared to my tiny frame. There was something incredibly frightening and yet completely soothing about being trapped under his hold. Hewasthe dragon Smaug, everything that had once made him seem evil from the outside was obvious now that it was just a product of his own isolation.
“There’s a problem with us, right?” I whispered out after a few minutes of lying there, unsure if he was even awake anymore.
“Pet, the only problem with us is that I can’t figure out whether I want to kill you, or killforyou.” His deep voice rumbled in my ear.
He had done it to himself, kept others at an arm's length because it was the only way he could control the way he felt. He was the same as the dragon and he guarded me like his treasure. Maybe maybe after a lifetime of being dismissed as nothing, it was a refreshing kind of terror to be overwhelmed by his greedy grasp.
So dreadfully safe.
“I think you decided,” I whispered with a smile.
“Seems so.”
It was quiet for another minute or so and I thought maybe he’d fallen back asleep, but then he spoke again. Almost too quiet to hear, but impossible to ignore.
“My father killed my mother when I was eight.” I held my breath, not sure what I could possibly even say at that moment.
I couldn’t imagine the hardened version of the guy I knew today as an innocent boy, but here he was, finally dropping his walls and filling in the pieces to let me know why. Why that innocence was long gone, why his eyes were so cold, why he spiraled without control.
“He came home drunk and she made some threat about cutting his allowance or something.” He laughed but it was a pitiful sound. “Can you believe that? Over money?” I exhaled, shaking my head and he continued again.
“I woke up to the sound of his fist hitting her but by the time I’d come out of my bedroom her face wasn’t even recognizable. All he could do was mumble something about the money. I can’t even remember what he actually said.”
