Page 77 of Heartless Heathens
“Why is he…?” I started a question I wasn’t sure how to end.
“The way he is?” Felix finished for me as if he understood how complex of a question I was asking.
Because Sonny Santorini wasn’t one way or another. He wasn’t anything and he was somehow everything all at once. Like a well carved mountain who proudly showed its scars because it knew they were trophies.
I nodded and Felix let out a deep exhale like he was gearing up for a story. Corvin put his hand on his brother’s chest as if to warn him.
“That’s not our story to tell, little lamb.” He shook his head and Felix shrugged at me.
“Why are you the wayyouare?” Felix asked, “We’re all just products of our environment, trying to break out of the molds we were meant to be shaped into. We’re just collections of contradictions created by parents who were just kids themselves.”
“I just want to figure you all out. Understand you.”
“But you do understand us, don’t you?” He pinched his eyebrows together in the middle.
“It’s strange that it can feel like I don’t know you at all, but then also feel like I’ve known you forever.” I shrugged, knowing that made no sense at all.
“It does feel like that.” He pulled me in by the hips, putting pressure where his thumbs touched my waist. “How are you feeling?”
“Same as always, but I’ve somehow talked to more people about my menstruation today than I have my entire life.” I put a finger to my lip as I thought about that.
“Is that a problem?” He pulled me closer.
My eyes traced down to where his hold on me loosened and his touch wandered adventurously up and down my side. I backed up uncomfortably, my eyes darting over to Corvin who sat on the couch uninterested, watching something on the tv.
“What?”
“Um…” I looked away, feeling awkward and ashamed.
“Is this some Frollo bullshit? I’m not afraid of a little blood.” His hand cupped my behind and squeezed tightly.
“It’s…dirty.” I looked down, heat flushing my cheeks knowing he wouldn’t understand.
He barked out a laugh and I winced.
“Oh yeah. The thing about being unclean. I think it’s Leviticus right?” He lifted his hand into a fist and deepened his voice. “She sits down, unclean! If he sits there, unclean. Burn everything, it’s all unclean. Unclean!!!!!” he shouted upwards into the heavens and I giggled.
“Then somehow the magic of the night washes all of that away right?” Corvin added and I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out, realizing how ridiculous the verses branded into my memory were.
“It’s not true. None of that shit is true. He filled your head with the lies he needed you to believe in order to keep you under his control. Fear kept you prisoner. Not that belltower, Mina.”
“Not much of a future had I left, right?” I asked and Felix pressed his lips into a flat line.
“I might have not found you.” He caressed my face with the side of his hand. “So maybe I’m selfish in thinking that this was all for the best.” I frowned, unsure how the last eighteen years could have been for the best but knowing the alternative would have been a life full of hardships.
One where I’d have no hope of ever meeting these men who I gravitated to so hopelessly.
Itwasn’tanact.
Despite the only two people I trusted in this world having their own suspicions, I knew in my core Romina wasn’t the enemy here. She had just been caught in Frollo’s web. My mom had always said out of the two of us, I had the best intuition. I knew eventually Corvin would see it too. As for Sonny…
He had it bad.
The trick to it was not acknowledging it.
Cuz if he knew how obvious it was, he’d retreat completely.
I’d never seen Sonny Santorini so infatuated with anything in his entire life. He had two modes in his programming. Complete obsession, or absolute indifference. The fact he called her to his room at night let me know everything I needed to. He wasn’t the only one though.
