Page 95 of Heartless Heathens
“I love discovering new parts of you. Every time you get comfortable enough to show us these new sides of you, I’m ready to know them. Don’t lump me in with him, with whatever idea you’ve got in your head for how I feel about you Mina.” The back of his hand grazed gently against the side of my face before dipping under my chin to lift my head up.
“I’m not that coward. I’m not afraid to tell you what you mean to me.” His lips locked onto mine, soft, but needy with a story he couldn’t write himself.
It told of a boy with too much on his shoulders. Too much love, too much sadness, too much hope. And all of these things he felt within himself, he felt them in me too. It’s why our souls sang to each other, and it was why I didn’t feel the brutal pang of loneliness around him.
Not like I felt when I was on my own.
His tongue pushed through my lips, and I parted them to let him in. Felix’s kisses weren’t demanding like Sonny’s, no, his were a generous bounty I could steal from without a second regard to what he might lose from it.
And I wanted to take as much as he’d let me.
“Tell me then.” I asked, needing to know that I was more than nothing to someone, anyone at all. “What you feel.”
“Sonny, I think he sees you as something to corrupt, something to mold the way he desires, for his own purpose. And that’s not his fault, that’s the only kind of love he knows, it’s the only kind of love he was taught. I don’t see you as a blank slate. You’re not a canvas that hasn’t been soiled by the artist's idea of what beauty is. You’re not made to be sculpted into an image of my liking, you’re exactly what you need to be. I think the longer I’m around you, I get to see that the image has been there all along, maybe it was a little faded, maybe it was forgotten. But it’s there and I think it always has been.” My bottom lip quivered but I held back the urge to cry.
“Watching you experience anything for the first time, seeing your eyes go wide with bewilderment, that’s the best chance I’ve gotten to experience something sacred. That’s the closest thing to Church I’ve known.” I could feel my heart thundering when he spoke each word and the urge to cry was overpowering.
I pulled him down and he chuckled into my mouth as he lowered himself on top of me.
“Did I not make you come hard enough this morning?” His fingers trailed over the moistened fabric on the crotch of my panties.
I never had the right words when Felix went from sweet to brash, but it took my head for a bigger spin than I thought I could ever get used to. I pressed back into him purposefully, feeling his hardened erection on me and he lifted an eyebrow up.
“I want to feel you inside me,” I whispered but he shook his head.
“I don’t need my cock to make you come.”
“Let me touch you?” I asked and his eyes widened like he wasn’t expecting me to ask that.
It had been on my brain ever since Reesa had snuck me those books. Some were ancient, covers with shirtless men and things considered depraved in every intent and purpose by the church and God.
One book in particular burrowed its way into my mind, the descriptions of the female main character handling her partner’s intimate parts with so much confidence and ease. The moans of pleasure that came from his mouth and how her touch could unravel even the most stoic of men.
I wanted to feel that kind of power.
I felt some of it when I took pleasure from them, but I wanted the kind of power that came from dishing it out as well.
I bravely palmed my hand over his pants, feeling the thick circumference of his length hardening even more under my touch. He grunted a low sound in my ear that sent goosebumps up my spine and encouraged me to keep going. Not fighting the urge to squeeze him through the fabric.
“Tell me what to do?” I looked back up at him to find his head dropped back and his eyes closed.
“You really want to?” he asked and I nodded.
“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.” Because I couldn’t put it to words for him that it wasn’t just about the things he did to me but about how he made me feel.
That him wanting me was the only thing that had ever happened to me that wasn’t cursed in some way. That I didn’t feel so empty inside because of him and that was enough to make me want to give him everything I had.
Even if all I had to give was me.
“On your knees then.” His voice took an assertive tone and he removed his shirt while I scrambled onto the floor.
He stood in front of me before lowering his pants down, his size pushing against his tight boxer briefs before he lowered them as well. He sprung out of his pants, his erection hitting the hard ridges of his carved-out abs and I licked my lips instinctively as my mouth filled with saliva.
“Start just using your tongue. Use one of your hands to hold it at the base.” I gripped tightly on his command, and he gasped from my touch.
“Like this?” I asked, swirling my tongue over the head like I’d read in a book.
“Oh, fuck yes.” He gripped the back of my head and tugged gently at my hair.
