Page 24 of False Start
It’s quite possibly the worst time for this kind of conversation, but I’ve fought through worse.
“I don’t know. Get a shitty job until I can get a better job. Crash at StarScreamer’s until I get a place. Maybe not in that order.” I laugh awkwardly as we reach their door.
“Stay with me.” They gesture inside with their head, the proposition seeming more than just for the night like we’d originally agreed.
“That’s a bit forward, don’t you think?” I ask, doing what I always do best and making a joke out of what I can’t fully understand.
“I don’t want to fuck you, Nia. I want to help you. You’re cute, but you aren’t my type.” Kade winks, shutting the door behind me once I’ve committed to entering.
I’m only slightly offended at their bluntness but also fully aware that I’ve misread dates my entire life. I am not the queen of social cues. Kade is good looking,reallygood looking, but the minute I held them in my arms, I knew they’d been sent to me by Lonnie.
Platonic love is so often overlooked when we try to force it into something more.
Platonic love is healing.
I have friends here,oldfriends, who I love dearly with my entire heart but who also haven’t grasped the complexitiesbehind all the changes I’ve gone through in the last five years.
I’m not the same Nia who left Devil Town broken.
If anything, I may be a littlemorebroken.
“Seriously. I have a spare room, and there’s no mortgage because it’s paid off. As long as you’re not a slob or on drugs, I think this will work. You can help with the utilities every now and then.” They give me a genuine smile, their teeth sparkling white. “If not, we reevaluate in a couple of weeks.”
“Oh God, I don’t know if I can handle the stress of a roommate probation review,” I try to joke again, catching a grin from Kade.
The rest of the night is easy. I spend it cuddling with Tolkien on the couch and using the giant cat as a blanket. K picks an oldTransformersmovie, but my eyes betray me and fight for sleep before we get to the part where Megan Fox is doinghot girl over the hood. I no longer have it in me to fight sleep.
I wakeup on the couch, sober. My mouth dry and my head pounding, but I’m sober, my least favorite feeling as of late. Tolkien is still faithfully beside me, as if he can sense my need for company, but Kade has been in their own bed since the first sign of me nodding off.
The previous night was all spins, but I still remember most of it, even the terrifyingly awkward confrontation with Harvey. Kade’s offer lingers in my mind. Staying at the motel isn’t a long term option, and my next best betwill be crashing at Star’s house with hermom. I can’t drop my baggage at her doorstep like this.
I’m far too deep into this downward spiral, and I gotta see it all the way through.
Minimal rent. A roommate I can get along with.
This could work.
Optimism flows through my veins, and like a bloodhound whose specialty is seeking out my happiness to devour, my mother violates the boundaries I’ve set. Her name glows on my phone, and I let it vibrate, deciding whether I’m going to entertain her this time.
It’s too early for this shit, so I toss the phone into a crack between the cushions.
I stretch, spreading my limbs and each of my toes, letting out a little squeal before sitting up on the couch. K comes out of their room, half their face covered by a mess of blue hair, but they muster a wave as they walk past me to the fridge.
“Good morning,” I chirp, not feeling nearly as shitty as I should before remembering I threw up at least two of those drinks last night.
“Coffee?” Kade asks, holding up the empty pot.
I think about it, humming out loud while I try to decide. “Hmm, yes. I’ll have coffee with you.”
They prep the machine, filling the filter with some well-ground coffee in a fancy black and gold bag I don’t recognize. I reach my hand out in a silent bid to pass it my way.
“Smells good.” It’s only a partial lie; my nose is fucked. Snorting this many pills isn’t sustainable, and my sinuses are starting to feel it.
I lean over the kitchen island, awkwardly fingering the veins of the marble on the counter.
“Did you think about my offer?” they ask, sitting across from me.
“I did.” I linger on the pause. “Why are you helping me?”
