Page 93 of False Start
“Doing what?” She’s upset too, in her own right. I can hear it in her voice.
“Why are you bothering? You could have just had the rink.” I look up to see her eyes narrowed on my throat.
At the collar.
She reaches out and tugs at the loop, pulling me just a hair toward her. “I didn’t lie when I said you were mine,” she says in a hushed tone. “I fucked up.Sobad. I didn’t tell you in the beginning because I didn’t know you, didn’t trust you, and then Ihated you.” She laughs, but it’s a nervous kind of laugh. “Then I thought I could take away the need to tell you, and it wasn’t because I was trying to keep Skateland from you, Nia.”
Her hands reach behind my neck, and finally, she undoes the buckle and removes the leather from my neck. It’s been on for at least three days now. My hands reach up to soothe, but hers are there first, caressing the sides of my throat with thumbs that gently graze my jaw.
“I made a bad call because I let my history with my brother interfere with how I treated you and how I saw you. You deserved to know the minute you came back. I’llapologize for that until the day I die if it keeps you next to me.”
Somehow, her saying sorry only makes me feel worse. Undeserving.
She picks me up as if I’m nothing and places me inside the tub. It’s the shower that’s running, the water the perfect temperature, and with me on the ground, it’s just gentle enough for my sore body to tolerate. The comfort it provides me is short, and soon, the room is filled with hot, dense steam, and the nausea hits me again.
My breathing turns shallow, rapid, and I close my eyes, hugging my knees to my chest with my head under the water.
“Is it too much?” Cat asks like she’s in my head, opening the door again.
She swings it open and shut a few times, like she’s fanning out some of the steam, and the rush of cold air is exactly what I need to settle back into my body. Some of my muscles unclench from the warmth, and for a second, I feel relief.
“I can’t do this.” It’s meant to be internal, but there’s no filter anymore.
“You can.” She says it like I haven’t proved her wrong before, her confidence a fifty pound sledgehammer shattering my humiliated pieces.
“I should have died, Cat.” I don’t know which time I mean. This time,thattime. At this point, I’m simply acknowledging I’ve lived past my expiration date.
She cuts me a look through hardened eyes, the line of her jaw becoming more pronounced as she clenches her teeth. Within a few seconds, she pulls her shirt over her head, and her pants are on the floor. The sight of Harvey in nothing but a sports bra and boxers has become topthree in my head, but even right now, it’s just a reminder that I’m not worthy of her.
Stepping into the stream of the shower, she pulls me into her lap, and I melt in the comfort of her hold. I close my eyes, but I feel her tug at my chin, the same cold look still plastered to her face as her gaze burns into me. “Is that what this was?”
I don’t answer. I know I don’t need to. When I try to shift my gaze, lower my chin, anything to escape the pain of her stare, she instead holds tighter, then speaks. “If you go, I’ll go too.”
That’s all she says.
But that’s all it takes.
“In my backpack,” I tell her, watching the way her eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “The rest of it.”
She squeezes me hard, like I’ve just given her the world back.
Maybe I have.
38
HARVEY
She’s been on and off the last forty or so hours, bouncing back and forth between the shower and the floor. Nia’s set up camp in the bathroom and the bedroom, unsure where she feels more comfortable. I found the rest of her shit, not hesitating for a minute before dumping it down the toilet.
Poor fish.
I’ve called into work the last two days, and now it’s finally my day off. Freddy is frustrated, but he’s known me long enough to understand something is up. I’m thankful to have people around me I can trust to lean on when shit hits the fan. Job security is not a worry for me.
WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?
Mo’s textis a reminder that the very thing which once consumed my life, I’m now seeming to run awayfrom. Of course Nia took precedence over the bout when her life was at stake. Of course I’ve been blowing off the other skaters, unable to answer their questions or explain what’s happening.
None of it matters right now.
