Page 48 of False Start
I feel for the little baggie in my pocket, the one I came here to buy. It’s still there, and I sigh a little bit of relief in knowing that.
And a dreadful feeling wraps me up in something bitter.
21
HARVEY
I’m thinking about her so often that by the time Monday comes around, I’m desperate for practice. I hang around the rink all day, hoping she may show up for some time to herself. Work was a drag the previous day. Every time that front door swung open, I hoped it would be her coming through them, but it never was.
She doesn’t look great when I see her, though. The same shitty braid I fashioned two days prior still hangs down her shoulder. She looks out of it, sickly and lackluster. Either she’s using, or this is the effect of not using. No one seems to either notice or care, though.
I do.
Scott forgives her for being slow and sloppy during practice, chalking it up to the injury and benching her for the remainder of practice. She looks pissed, and it's only slightly adorable. I take her place as jammer and get beside K-Otic, waiting for the blow of the whistle to start the jam, but Venice Witch is taking too long with her water break.
“Harvey,” K says amicably before placing their mouthguard back in.
I nod my chin at them, wondering if they’re going to ask about the other night. Surely they’d already talked to Nia about it.
But they say nothing, and the whistle blows. Already too used to blocking, I focus on the defensive instead of going for the win. We go a few more jams before Scott calls it quits for the night, asking the skaters to line up for their measly little royalty checks from the last jam. It’s nothing, probably fifty bucks per player, but it’s enough to excite the skaters. Before this, we were paying dues monthly to keep the league going. Now, we’re getting paid.
I hate admitting it, but somehow, this asshole knows alittleof what he’s doing.
Getting rid of him isn’t going to be so easy, but now, I’m not sure what my options are.
No one else here can help, and even if they could, the majority have their own very real problems to deal with. Skateland can’t be all of our burden to share. I look over at Nia again.
She’s a mess, falling apart.
Unraveling at the seams.
This grief devours you whole, and Nia is in the belly of the beast.
Scott hands Nia her check first, letting her skip the line, and then he passes me one as well. I don’t focus on the rest of the players and what they do next. No, I zero in on the five-foot-nothing jammer skating toward the locker room.
We haven’t spoken since I tucked her into bed after the hospital.
Is she going to pretend she was too out of it to remember?
In the locker room, her gear is already off and thrown in her bag, her helmet peaking out, the plastic dull anddented, like it needs to be replaced. She stands there, in front of her open locker, watching me remove my skates, but neither of us talk.
The tension is borderline fucking painful.
I want to speak, but I need to maintain some sort of control here.
She just stares, and eventually, every single piece of my gear is off and put away.
It’s the longest game of chicken we’ve played yet, and she plays it well. I tilt my head to the side, as if to saywhat’s next, princess?
Stepping backwards, she keeps her eyes on me until she hits the wall behind her. She gives me a single look, pulls the curtain open in one of the shower stalls, and drops her clothes to the ground. First the fishnets, then the spandex shorts, and when the shirt goes, I have to remind myself to close my jaw.
She walks into the stall and leaves the curtain open. The only skater in here is Bae, who’s oblivious to us with her earpods in. The others will be in soon.
Fuck it.
I pull my practice tee off and leave it on the bench before I do the same with my gym shorts and my underwear. Then, I walk in her direction, closing the curtain behind us.
Her back is to me, her casted hand lifted out of range of the water, and she doesn’t turn when she hears me join her. I wrap my fingers around her hips and pull her to me, one hand traveling north, up her side, while the other simply holds her.
