Page 63 of False Start
And then, I cry.
The rain doesn’t stopme. It feels like part of the punishment, and at this point, I feel deserving of any pain that comes my way. My feet keep moving, my suitcase behind me, my backpack strapped to me and my gym bag hung over my shoulder.
Everything aches.
I don’t stop until I get there. The rain’s stopped and the sun already set when I’m at her door, reaching to knock.She opens first, and I can’t hold back the sobbing, my words barely coherent through my tears. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
“What the hell? Why are you all wet?” The look on her face is angry and confused. Harvey looks behind me, like she’s trying to find my car. “Did K do something?”
“Nothing I didn’t deserve.” I wipe my face with the back of my hoodie, but it's drenched, the fabric coarse and scratching at my tender skin.
“They didn’t know.”She doesn’t have to ask about what; we both understand. And now she realizes she’s the only one who knows.
“It’s not Kade’s fault. They didn’t ask for this.” I know my words are dragging, and I’m staring at my feet now, too uncomfortable to make eye contact and borderline freezing.
“But you came to me.” She’s not asking. She’s simply pointing it out.
I nod.
Opening her door the entire way, she jerks her head to motion me through. “Come inside. You look miserable.”
I take enough steps in for her to shut the door behind me, nothing more, nothing less.
“When’s the last time?” She tosses the words over her shoulder as she walks further into her living room. I’ve been here before, but it’s the first time I’m really taking the place in.
The ceilings are tall, and there are exposed ducts and metal piping everywhere. It’s industrial, with a shiny concrete floor and copper accents splattered throughout the place.
It’s so fitting of her.
“A few hours.” I’m embarrassed to admit it, but lying to her feels like an anchor chained to my foot.
I’m already drowning, so what’s the point?
“Do you have your things?” I’m avoiding her gaze, but I can feel the burn of her attention on me.
“Yeah. Except my car,” I tell her. “I needed to get the fuck out of there. I didn’t want to risk it not starting.” I feel numb saying the words, but the reality is, I’m shattered. Disappointing Kade feels too heavy for me to process.
“You walked here?” She’s in my face now, fully in my bubble, and the scowl she wears is carved deep into her expression.
I nod again, but I don’t tell her I’m only here because it was further to Ryan’s, where Ireallywanted to be.
She looks at me and says, “You’re overstimulated,” like she can read me better than I can.
“Obviously. That’s why I want it.” I’m only slightly annoyed. I don’t like playing these kinds of games, and I just want to get high. I’m not a kid anymore. I knowexactlywhy I get high; I don’t need to be analyzed about it.
And I’m starting to regret my decision.
“Drop to your knees,” Harvey says, as if it's a completely normal demand at this point in our… relationship? No. This isn’t a relationship.
I don’t think either of us know what this is.
The questioning only happens in my mind, though. Her tone is enough to command my body to will itself to my knees, where I then lower my ass to my heels.
The line of her mouth barely curves at one side, and my stomach flutters. As she peers down at me, her hand cups the side of my face. It’s a far gentler touch than I expect, but I don’t say it. I don’t dare open my mouth and ruin this moment with something as misconstruing aswords. Her fingers run along the side of my head, and a sigh escapes me.
She’s looking at me like I’ve done something so right, like she’s proud I came to her.
Maybe I should be proud too.
