Page 20 of The Mysterious Miss Lydia
“I know that, dear. I’m just having some fun, that’s all.”
Lydia nodded. But still, she felt it necessary to explain. However, like most matters, this was something she’d never been able to put into words. “It’s not that I’mnotinterested in speaking,” she said slowly. “It’s just that...I never seem to find the right words in time. Or...” She pursed her lips.
No, that wasn’t quite right.
Her mind caught on her mystery man. The devilishly handsome gentleman whose smile filled her dreams every night. But it was his eyes on her that came to mind now. “I do have thoughts,” she said.
She winced. What a silly thing to say.
“Of course, you do, Lydia,” Miss Farthington said with a kind smile.
“It’s just...I sometimes think others must believe I’m a simpleton.”
“No one thinks that.” At Lydia’s arched brows, Miss Farthington added, “Not your friends, at least.”
Lydia smiled. “I appreciate that. It’s just...” Once more she thought of that strange man. “It’s frustrating.” The wordsheld more emotion than she’d intended and Miss Farthington squeezed her hand.
“I imagine it is.”
“The words are there, but then in the face of people’s attention, their eyes on me...” She shuddered as that age old fear crept over her at the mere thought.
“People paying attention to you makes you forget what you were going to say?” Miss Farthington guessed.
“It makes me freeze. It makes my mind go blank.”
“Hmm.” Miss Farthington seemed to consider this for a long while as they walked in companionable silence. “Perhaps there’s some trick you could use to get out of your own head when that happens.”
“A trick?”
Miss Farthington wore an amused expression, her gaze distant. “I had a friend… Well, she’s my ex-fiancé’s friend, if you must know. His wife’s cousin, in fact—”
Lydia gasped. Miss Farthington never mentioned her former fiancé, nor whatever had occurred to put an end to their understanding. But to think that he had another woman!
Miss Farthington laughed. “Oh, it wasn’t like that. I knew he loved her before we got engaged.” She waved a hand. “Anyhow, that’s all over. And he and his wife are quite lovely. But it’s her cousin who became tongue tied in social situations, and she had this...strategy.”
Miss Farthington looked as though she was smothering a laugh. “Well, she had a few lessons she’d learned. But one in particular...” She turned to Lydia. “Have you tried focusing on something other than the conversation? Maybe even something other than yourself?”
Lydia frowned. “Like what?”
“Well, you could try focusing on the person’s hairstyle or what the weather is like, or…” She waved a hand as she searchedfor more ideas. “Or what one of your characters might say or do in the same circumstances.”
Lydia had been in the midst of forming a protest, but that last comment gave her pause.
Miss Farthington hitched her brows expectantly and Lydia tilted her head to the side with a thoughtful expression. “That is...interesting.”
Miss Farthington chuckled. “It could not hurt to try such a thing this evening, could it?”
The mere mention of the masquerade had Lydia wincing, but she straightened her shoulders determinedly. “It could not make things worse, I suppose.”
“That’s the spirit.” Miss Farthington looked like she might laugh again, but they began walking and soon found themselves in front of the School of Charm.
“Will you come in?” Miss Farthington asked. “Or shall I have the carriage brought round for you?”
“Would it be all right if I went for a walk in the park first?” she asked. “With Kitty, of course.” She drew in a deep breath. “You were right that I need to regain my fortitude before entering the fray this evening.”
And she wanted to turn Miss Farthington’s suggestion over in her mind as well. She’d never been good at thinking things through when others were around. She needed solitude the way most people seemed to require companionship.
“You go and enjoy your walk,” Miss Farthington said. “And I will see you tonight at the masquerade.”
