Page 21 of The Misfortunate Miss Farthington
He exhaled sharply, his hands at her waist clenching like he too wished he could hold onto her. And that was when she caught the agony in his gaze, the tortured look of a man torn in two. “I cannot give you the life you’re accustomed to. And you might think you’re all right with that now, but you do not know—”
“Andyoudon’t know that you’ll live to see next winter,” she interrupted sharply. “You don’t know if I’ll be able to have children. You don’t know what the future holds, Richard. And neither do I.”
He was quiet for a long moment, the sound of their breathing the only noise in this too-quiet room. Daphne was so quiet by the windows, Tessa nearly forgot she was there as she waited for Richard to speak.
“My love,” he finally said gently. “I do not want to be selfish with you.”
Her heart clenched and she just barely stifled a sob. That right there…it sounded far too much like farewell. But the stab of pain was followed just as quickly by a surge of anger. “And I do not want a husband who thinks he knows my mind better than I do.”
“Tessa…”
She pulled back, away from his grip. “If anyone had deigned to ask, I would have told them this. I want a family, and a home, and a quiet life, outside of London society.”
He reached out a hand, but she pulled away further. “I’d tell them that I don’t enjoy balls or hosting, or spending my time chatting about gossip and the latest fashion. I’d tell them that I want to keep helping girls like Charlotte, and Mary, and Eloise, and Lydia. I’m good at helping young ladies in need of guidance, and it makes me feel useful.”
Tears were stinging her eyes now, and her voice began to falter. “I’d say that I want a husband who’s intelligent and just as committed to sharing his gifts with the world as I am.” She straightened to her full height which still only brought her to shoulder height. “If anyone had asked what I want, I would have told them that I wantyou.”
His voice was gruff. “Tessa…”
“No.” She took another step backward. “Perhaps my father was right to dissuade you if you are so easily convinced.”
“It’s not that, it’s just…”
“What?” she demanded.
“I don’t want to be the reason you don’t have everything you deserve. Your happiness is all I want.”
She clasped her trembling hands together. “What I want is to be treated with respect, and for the man I love to trust that I know my own mind.”
His gaze bore into hers for a long moment, and she knew him well enough now to know that he needed a moment. He was a man who thought before he spoke. He was a man who knew how to reason…
But perhaps he needed a lesson or two in how to love.
The thought made her lips quiver, and for one brief moment she didn’t know if she was going to laugh or cry, because she knew it to be true. He was the smartest man she’d ever met. But he knew nothing at all about love.
I want to be the one who teaches him how to love. I want to learn it by his side.
“Tessa,” he started. But anything he might have said was cut short as her mother and her aunt entered the drawing room, Marian not far behind.
“Oh, Mr. Grant, I didn’t realize you’d come to visit,” her mother said, her surprise making her eyes wide.
“He was just leaving,” Tessa said, perhaps a touch too coldly. She couldn’t bring herself to sound kind and polite when her heart felt as though it were breaking in two.
Daphne caught Tessa’s gaze from the far side of the room and the sympathy Tessa saw there very nearly made her lose her composure. Even Marian, who hadn’t heard their encounter, seemed to understand what was happening, and her gaze was soft and understanding.
Only her mother and aunt were blithely unaware of the tension and heartache that permeated the air.
“Yes,” Richard agreed gruffly. “As Miss Farthington said, I was just leaving.” His posture was stiff and his voice low as he made his excuses. He paused in the doorway to give her one last look before leaving.
We’re not through here, his gaze seemed to say.
Her heart was too full. Her throat ached with unshed tears. So she tore her gaze away, not looking back as he said his final farewell.
8
Richard paced in front of a fire at his best friend’s spacious townhome.
Luke and his fiancée watched him closely. Though they had not yet married, it often seemed the two were already inseparable, and while her sister was around somewhere acting as an unwilling chaperone, he’d seen neither hide nor hair of the girl since he’d arrived.
