Page 39 of The Lord Next Door I Wished For
Her eyes were wet with unshed tears. He spotted that just before she turned away abruptly, busying herself by hanging the lantern.
The warm orange glow spread wider so they were both in its orb, as the wind and rain barreled against the stable doors.
“You ran,” he said again. “From me.”
“No.” She hesitated. “Er, yes. I’m…I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing and tell me what’s going on, Jane.” He moved toward her and this time she didn’t back away. He stopped when he was close enough to see the glimmer of wetness in her eyes and hear her shaky breathing. He tried to keep his voice gentle when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and crush her to him. “Are you having second thoughts about…about marrying me?”
He thought the tension would kill him as he waited for her to answer. She hesitated for so long, he thought maybe she wouldn’t.
That perhaps thatwasher answer.
But then she whispered, “I have not changed my mind. I know my duty. I understand…” She stopped to swallow. “I understand our arrangement.”
His heart knocked against his ribcage as emotions slammed through him, painful and fierce.
Give her time.That had been his plan. Don’t rush her.
He turned away, swallowing convulsively to try and stop any reckless words from tumbling out.
Arrangements be damned! I don’t want a blasted impersonal arrangement.
But that was what she’d agreed to, wasn’t it? And if she was this afraid of marrying him now, how much more terrified would she be if she knew what he really wanted from her?
Everything. The thought was a whisper in the back of his mind.
He wanted everything she was willing to give.
He tried to shove aside that voice, to push down his own wants and needs. This wasn’t about him. It was about her.
“You should go back,” she said. “They’ll wonder where you are.”
He let out a huff of disbelief as he turned to face her once more. “And you think they won’t notice that the bride-to-be is missing?”
“I…I’ll…” She glanced away from him, not meeting his eyes. “I’ll come back eventually.”
Eventually. Was this what his future with her would be like? Him hungry for a sight of her, eager to hear her laughter and her voice, and being forced to make do with whatever crumbs she could give him?
He rubbed at his chest.
“This was a mistake.” He didn’t even mean to say it aloud, but it was the truth. Had he really been so naive and optimistic to think that she’d fall in love with him as he had with her?
Had he really not considered the sort of hell he was damning himself to if she didn’t?
Standing here across from her—the woman he loved treating him like he was some stranger—he had a taste of just how unbearable it would be.
“It’s not too late to change your mind.” Her voice was so flat and cold and…so not at all like the Jane he knew, it made his own body fill with fire.
“Is that what you want?” he demanded. “You want to end this?”
Her lips quivered but she didn’t answer.
She did. She wanted out. And he…
Oh heaven help him, he didn’t know if he could let her go.
“It’s too late,” she said softly. She turned to his horse who was watching them with kind understanding eyes. She said the next part to his blasted horse rather than him. “I know it’s too late, but…”
