Page 40 of The Lord Next Door I Wished For
“But?” His voice came out far too gruff, but he couldn’t help it.
His heart felt like it was breaking.
She didn’t want this. She didn’t want him.
And he had no idea how he’d spend the rest of his life loving a woman who didn’t return these feelings.
“Luke, I—”
“No.” His lungs hurt as if he’d just run uphill for miles and he could hardly see straight. His every sense was filled with her. His head and his heart were so filled with her he didn’t know how he’d ever get her out of his system.
But he would. He had to.
He wouldn’t force her into a marriage she didn’t want.
He should tell her that. But his blood was on fire as he took her in, his heart was raging with pain and desire and all the love that…that she didn’t want.
“I’m sorry I—”
“You ran from me, Jane,” he finally gritted out. “Me. The man you’re supposed to trust and turn to and—” Anger drove away the pain and he latched onto it. “You’re not a coward, Jane. You crave your freedom and I understand that. But I’ve never seen you as a coward until tonight.”
“That’s not fair.” Her brows knit together in a fierce scowl. “I’m not running, I’m…I’m giving you the same freedom that I want. You deserve that too and—”
“I’m not a naive innocent like you, Jane.” His voice grew so sharp he barely recognized it and he cursed himself when he saw her flinch. But right now, it all just seemed so ludicrous.
Did she not see that he would give her her freedom, whether he married her or let her out of this engagement? But Luke…
Luke would always be trapped. She held his heart in her hands, and he feared she always would. He supposed he’d always loved her in some way. As his dearest most beloved friend, even when they’d been apart. And then she’d come back into his life like a wildfire, scorching every other option in his path until there was only her.
She was the only true friend he’d ever had, and the only woman he’d ever wanted. And some part of him knew that this would always be true. It would always be her.
He could give her the freedom she wanted…but he’d never be free of the hold she had over him.
It might be comical if it wasn’t so heartbreaking.
He took a staggering step back. “Decide what you want, Jane. Your time is running out, so make your decision now and make sure it’s one you won’t regret.”
He watched the sadness fill her eyes, saw her indecision. And he couldn’t bear to watch it for a moment longer.
They weren’t through here, but as the thunder cracked overhead, his heart felt just as wild as this storm.
His heart was breaking, he was sure of it. And he needed space. He needed air.
“Make your decision, Jane,” he said, his voice nothing more than a growl. “And let us be done with this.”
He didn’t wait to see her flinch at his anger. He stormed out into the rain, into the storm, and let the wind whip around him in a frenzy that was nothing compared to the emotions that raged inside him.
CHAPTERTWELVE
He’d left.
Jane stared wide-eyed as the stable doors slammed shut behind him, his low harsh voice still ringing in her ears.
Let us be done with this.
Her heart gave a painful clench and her legs threatened to buckle under the weight of this newfound grief.
It was over. She’d found love and had lost it, and she wasn’t sure how she’d ever recover.
