Page 16 of A Wish Upon an Earl
His fingers itched to cup her cheek.“Most assuredly.”He shook his head.“I can’t say that I’m very good at being kind yet.Not like you and Ash, but I’m trying.That armor last night.I wore it because—” He ran a hand through his hair.“Because I thought you would like it.”
Her hand trembled as she lightly touched his arm.“That is kind.”Then she withdrew her hand, looking away.“Thank you.”
“I don’t blame you for not liking my choice of costume.Not after what I did last night.”
“It’s not that,” Sarah said as she looked back at him.Then she sighed.“I changed after that night too.”
He stood then, one of his hands clenching at his side.He’d noted changes in her.Her emphasis on responsibility.He said a silent prayer that he wasn’t responsible for her tamping down on her effervescent nature.Because if he had been… “How?”
She looked at him, a small smile playing at her lips.“I now cringe every time I see a painting with a cupid.”
His chest relaxed, but he knew she was once again being excessively kind.“I made you doubt yourself.”
She shook her head.“It was bound to happen.If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else.”
His mouth opened and closed several times.How had he ever allowed her to leave his life?And how was he going to help her find her old self?He loved that pixie spirit, and he’d been responsible for crushing it.“I think I’d prefer it if you took a good swing right at my face.Your kindness might be killing me.”
That made her smile.“I couldn’t.”
“When you’re better, let’s reenact a play where the heroine gives the hero a good smack.Then you can rehearse over and over until you’ve worked out all your anger.”
That made her laugh, long and loud, until she let out a squeak and grasped at her ankle.
“Did you hurt yourself?”He immediately dropped back down, ready to check her ankle.
“I’m fine,” she replied.“It was just a twinge of pain.Nothing more.And it was worth it.The very idea of that sort of play is the best kind of medicine.”
“Sarah.”There was so much more he wanted to say.She should want to hit him, and laughter should not be enough of a cure for how he’d hurt her.Part of him wanted to pour out his heart.But Drew’s words came back to him.Find out what she wants.It wasn’t time for him to profess his feelings.Right now, he needed to learn about her.What were her needs and desires, and could he give them to her?
So instead, he stood back up.What they needed was time to get to know one another again.“I’d like to try to be friends.Do you think that’s possible?”
6
Friends?
The word rang hollow.
Since the age of fourteen, she’d known how she felt about this man.
Trying to be just friends had been the problem then and it was the problem now.
She drew in a ragged breath as her gaze lifted to his.
“Jack,” she murmured, shaking her head.“I don’t think…” What could she say?That she still had feelings for him?After all this time?The very idea that she’d open herself up to him like that again was more than she could bear.
“Please.”The single word came out rough and hoarse, and she drew back in surprise.He sounded as though he really cared.
“But,” she started, wishing she could stand too.Her chin notched up as she assessed him.She felt small like this, as though she were still that girl he’d crushed like a flower under his boot.“Haven’t we already proven that friendship between us doesn’t really work?”
He grimaced.A flicker of pain crossed his face.“We were young then.Now, we are older and, hopefully, wiser.”
That made her a smile.Just a bit.“I’m not so sure.We both chose horrid costumes last night.What does that say about our judgement?”
He chuckled at that.“Wouldn’t it be nicer to make those terrible decisions together?”
Yes.Yes, it would.
But not the way he wanted.Sarah didn’t want his friendship.Looking at him, she knew that she wanted so much more.His kisses, his affection.To be his friend, however, meant she got some small part of that, but it also meant she’d have to participate in his life when he met the woman he actually wished to marry.Perhaps he’d even love her.
