Page 133 of Search My Soul
“Neeya, what the fuck?” I froze when I heard the fear in my brother’s voice.
“I’m so tired,” she cried. “If he wants to leave this Earth, then I guess we’ll leave this bitch together.”
I replayed her words over in my head, trying to make sense of them.
“This isn’t the answer, for either of you. Everybody needs to take a step back and think this through. Both of you have way too much to lose.”
“I don’t have anything. My baby is gone and now the only man I’ve ever loved is trying to leave too. I might as well be with my family, right?” Hearing enough, I stood up and yanked the door open. My eyes ballooned as they landed on a distraught Juicy with a gun to her head. The sympathetic expression on Pure’s face told me it belonged to him.
“What the fuck are you doing, Juicy?” I stepped closer with my hands up in mock surrender. When I got too close, she stepped back. “Don’t do this.”
“I don’t want to hear shit you have to say, Soul. You want to take the cowardly way out, then let’s do it together.” Her nostrils flared while the tears continued to fall. My chest grew tight with worry because this wasn’t the way things were supposed to go.
“Juicy—”
“No. I don’t want to hear it. Either you give the gun to Pure or we’re gonna have a double funeral. The choice is yours.”
“Put the fucking gun down.”
“You first.”
“Why are you doing this?” I huffed, feeling emotionally drained inside. My gun rested at my side as we engaged in a stare off.
“Do you love me?”
“More than anything.”
“How much is my life worth to you?” she asked. Her question caused me to pause, but not because I needed time to think of an answer.
“It’s priceless.”
“Would you die for me?” Her pretty brown eyes burrowed into mine, waiting for a response she should have already known the answer to.
“No questions asked.”
“Then am I worth living for?” I dropped my head in understanding, knowing what I had to do next. I couldn’t afford for my demons to take away another person I loved. I glanced over at Pure, and he gave me a nod to let me know it was the right thing to do.
“Yes, you are. Now put the gun down, Juicy. I can’t fucking think straight with that gun to your head. Please.” My heart broke as I watched the tears continue to fall from her gorgeous face. I handed my gun off to Pure, who tucked it in the waistband of his jeans. His expression was stoney, much like his usual appearance.
“Not yet.”
“What you mean?”
“You have to promise me that you’ll go to rehab.” My jaw flexed as I glared back over at Pure. He threw his hands up as if he had nothing to do with this shit, but it was starting to feel like a set up.
“I don’t need rehab. Ain’t shit wrong with me.”
“Soul. You’ve been hit with blow after blow lately. I know you haven’t been taking your medicine and popping those pills are only making things worse. Please.” Her eyes were wide, pleading for me to agree to her terms.
“Fine. I want the outpatient option. I can’t be in no facility. I’m not doing that shit again.”
“You don’t have a choice. If you don’t agree to go on your own, I’ll have no choice but to commit you for being a danger to yourself and others.” My head shot in the direction of the door where I saw my psychiatrist, Amerie. Anger settled in when I realized I had been duped. Juicy passed the gun to Pure, and the two of them gave each other a look I wasn’t able to interpret.
“Damn, that’s how you doing it, Juicy?”
“I did what I had to in order to save you. I’ll never apologize for anything when it comes to you.” She wiped the tears from her eyes and squared her shoulders. They were handling me like some crazy mothafucka who was talking to the walls and shit. Yeah, I may have slipped up with my meds from time to time but sending me to a facility seemed unnecessary.
“So you’re in on this shit too, AP?” Amerie Proctor had been my psychiatrist since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I barely gave her much conversation in the beginning, but she never gave up on me. Our relationship had grown over time, but I had been avoiding her for the last few months because I wasn’t taking my meds and wasn’t in the mood to explain myself to her.
