Page 55 of Search My Soul
“Whoa. You’re getting a little ahead of yourself with that one. I care about her, but we’re not ready for babies yet.”
“Your father said the same thing.” She smirked, holding her hand out for me to take. I obliged before bringing her over to the table where the ladies were sitting. When Neeya spotted us coming toward the table, her eyes widened. I waved her over, but I noticed the fear in her eyes.
“Bring your scary tail on over here. I’m sure you aren’t afraid when you’re humping my grandson. Come on over here, pretty girl.” Nana had always been a straight shooter and today would be no different. Neeya smoothed her dress as if it would make a difference. I still couldn’t get over how fine my baby looked. Neeya possessed the kind of beauty that instantly elevated the person next to her. She made me look better as she held onto my arm.
“Hi, I’m Neeya.” She wasn’t sure how to react because of the way Pure greeted her, but Nana didn’t play that.
“Girl, bring your tail over here and give me a hug,” Nana demanded. Neeya hesitated, so I pressed my hand into her backside to give her a push. When Nana wrapped her arms around her, I noticed her shoulders relax. My nana was a true gangsta at heart, but she also possessed a calming spirit that would change any atmosphere she dwelled in.
I allowed the two of them to have their moment. Pure stood by himself, and I debated on whether or not I would say anything to him. I loved my brother, and there wasn’t anyone I trusted more than him. However, we weren’t always on the best of terms. Still, I felt a pull to speak to him, so that’s what I did.
“You good?” I asked, allowing the awkward energy to surround us.
“I hate this shit.” I remained quiet to allow him space to express himself. We never spoke about our feelings, but just like Neeya could feel me, Pure and I possessed the same connection.
“It’s crazy, you know? You would think after all these years, this wouldn’t bother me. Most people feel sadness at the thought of their parents’ death, but I’m angry. The people who took them were people they trusted, and that alone sends me into a rage. If I could dig those mothafuckas up so I could kill them again, I would.” His thoughts mirrored mine because I would never fully accept it. They were betrayed by the people they cared for and trusted, and they genuinely thought they would get away with it.
“Yeah, it’s crazy. I still have dreams about that night. That was the day I stopped being a kid,” I admitted. I could still recall how badly I spiraled when I found out about my parents. The pain was indescribable, and then there was nothing but rage. If I had to guess, it was probably the root cause of my temper. I might have killed the people responsible, but it would never bring them back.
“Nana wants us to have kids, but to be honest, I don’t see that in my future. The last thing I want to do is expose my children to this life and put them in the position to experience what we did.”
“I understand what you mean, but I don’t see that shit happening. The people in our camp are solid, and even if they weren’t, we’re way too deadly to be caught slippin’,” I assured him, even though he gave me a lot to think about.
“How can you be so sure? You don’t think Pops believed the same thing? I think about this shit all of the time. It’s the reason I keep my distance from people, because what if we’re wrong? All it takes is for us to underestimate one mothafucka and our whole organization could crumble.” I stood there processing his revelation.
I trusted my instincts, but he made a valid point. My parents thought that the people close to them undoubtedly loved them, but all it took was the right price. I loved Duke and Murk like they were my blood brothers, and while I could never see them betraying me, I still remembered the look in Uncle Brent’s eyes when he took his last breath. There wasn’t a hint of remorse present.
“Yeah, you’re right. Huncho mentioned a private investigator looking into our files a while ago. When I looked into it, I found out that the state wasn’t behind him being here. He’s a one-man army, but he believes he can take us down. I’ve had people trailing him, but it’s only a matter of time before he strikes, so we need to be ready,” I explained.
“Can you handle things, or do you need me to?”
“I’ve got it. I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page. Like you said, we can’t have any mishaps right now. Emilio and Salvador have been on my ass about this shooting situation, so I’m trying to figure that out too.”
“If you need my help, all you have to do is say the word,” Pure assured me.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve got it under control though.” The two of us stood there quietly observing our family. As much as I couldn’t wait to leave, it felt good having everyone together.
“Do you love her?” Pure’s voice broke the silence between us. I glanced over at Nana and Aunt Aretha on the dance floor with Juicy and my sisters. They were all smiling and having a good time. Seeing Juicy bonding with my family put a lot of things in perspective for me.
“Yeah, I do. It’s still pretty new, but she has my heart.” Pure nodded with his eyes still trained on them.
“Don’t fuck it up.” Pure and I never discussed relationships, so it took me by surprise.
“I don’t plan on it.” No other words were exchanged as he turned to walk away. Instead of dwelling on my brother’s awkwardness, I decided to go grab my lady so we could make our way out of here. Juicy coming here to support me meant more to me than I could express, but I was ready to go home. I wanted to fuck my lady until we were both tired and listen to her snore until I fell asleep. Things were changing in my world, but for once, I was excited to see how it would play out.
“So,what have you been doing lately? You’ve been M.I.A,” Puma questioned with a smirk on her face. The last couple of months had moved so fast, I barely knew what day it was.
“I’ve been around.” I tried not to smile, but my face gave me away. She and Mandee both eyed me, waiting for me to spill the tea.
“I can’t believe your ass is really trying to keep secrets from me like we aren’t practically sisters.” Puma crossed her arms as she pretended to throw a tantrum.
“I’m not keeping secrets.”
“You’re a damn liar. You must have forgotten Soul and Murk are close friends. I overheard him talking about a girl he met who rocked his world and then dipped on him. I had no idea thehoochie in question was my best friend. Now, all of a sudden, the two of you are madly in love, and you’re living with him? I feel like I’m an outsider in your life.” I hid my face behind my hands in embarrassment.
“It’s not like that. We were both drinking, and I was horny. I thought it would be a one-time thing, so I never brought it up. Then we linked up a few more times, and things progressed from there. I wasn’t initially trying to leave y’all out, but everything moved so fast.”
“I’m offended. We’ve always told each other about our sexcapades, and you decided to keep this a secret. Do I need to find a new bestie?” Puma pouted as I giggled at her antics.
