Page 75 of Search My Soul
“The man she shot is connected to Soul. I believe they’re related.” Puma froze where she stood.
“Say that one more time.” I dropped my head in shame. This story went from bad to worse, and I wished it was someone else’s life instead of mine.
“I was going through Soul’s clothes so I could find a shirt to wear, and I knocked a box over. When I picked up the box, I realized there were pictures in it. I found pictures of Soul and theguy when they were younger. They were standing together with Soul’s other brothers in family reunion shirts. There was another photo of them together as teenagers as well.”
“What the fuck? Oh my God. No.” Puma’s jaw might as well have been on the floor.
“I know. This is so bad. I’ve been so stressed about the man not making it and this whole time I’ve been around his family.”
“Nee-nee, this is bad.”
“I know! I don’t know what to do. Should I confess and let the chips fall where they may or?—”
“No! You can’t ever repeat this to anyone else. I shouldn’t even be saying this, but they are looking for you.” My heart dropped to my feet as her revelation set in.
“W-what do you mean? They know it was me?”
“No. They don’t have any names yet, but I remember the night it happened. Soul was losing his mind, and he called Murk to tell him that they were out for blood. From what I understand he pulled through, but they want answers. The other day, Murk was on a call and from what I overheard, Soul is still out for blood and there is an award out for anyone with information on what happened. He said once they find out who did it, they were gonna wipe out their family.”
“Fuck! What do I do? I didn’t shoot him, but in their eyes, I’m just as guilty. Not to mention the fact that I took some of the money.”
“Yeah, Soul was pissed about the money as well. How much did you take? Maybe I can dip into the money I have saved up. Murk lets me keep all of the money I make from the shop. Tell me what you need, and I can see what I can do. Maybe we can disguise your voice and call them from a burner phone and return it.” Puma’s suggestion sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. Knowing the kind of man Soul is, he wouldn’t be satisfied with the money alone. His family was hurt in the midstof our bullshit, and I’m sure he would want someone to pay for that.
“That won’t work. If anything, they will catch me when I try to drop the money off. Besides, Majesty took the majority of the money, so even if I tried to replace my portion, they wouldn’t accept it.”
“You’re right. Shit. I wish I could call Murk to get his insight, but I know better than that. He cares about you, but his loyalty lies with Soul and his family. Nee-nee, we have to play this smart. Do you think the cousin could identify you if he saw you?” Her questions caused more thoughts to circle through my mind. Although I wore a colored wig and a lot of makeup, my body would be easy to identify. There weren’t too many women who possessed the kind of curves that I did.
“I’m pretty sure he would. He doesn’t know my name or where I worked, but if we were in the same room, I couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t recognize me.”
“You might have to break up with Soul.” More tears fell from my eyes.
“Yeah, I don’t think there’s any way out of this. Now that I know the truth, I won’t be able to be with him without guilt eating me alive.”
“It’s the only way. If you stay with him and he posts a picture of you or he brings you to one of the family functions, you run the risk of being identified.” Those were more factors I hadn’t considered in this situation. God, why me?
“I hate this, P. I fucked up my life in order to save my family and now my life is on the line. And what makes this worse is the fact that I love this man more than I’ve ever loved any man. How am I supposed to explain to him why I have to walk away from our relationship? I’m about to break his heart and mine.” My soft cries turned into whimpers as she walked over to the couch and hugged me.
“I wish there were words of comfort I could give to you, but for the first time in a long time, I have no answers. You’re my sister so I’m riding with you until the wheels fall off. Right or wrong, I don’t want to see you get hurt. Soul is a dangerous man. I can’t say with certainty that he wouldn’t seek revenge for his family. My biggest concern is how we move forward. The protective part of me wants to tell you to pack your bags and get out of here. However, I think making such a hasty move would raise red flags.
“It would be different if Soul fucked up because then you could use it as an excuse to take off, but things have been going well for you. If you hop up and leave, Soul will more than likely fight to bring you back. He loves you, and breaking up with him won’t be an easy feat. You’re gonna have to come up with a valid excuse that will justify why you’re trying to leave him.”
“My mind is fried right now. Ugh, this is so fucked up.”
“Do you have any family out of state? Maybe a cousin you don’t talk to? Maybe you can tell him one of your family members has an illness and you need to go out there to be a caregiver. I mean, you still have your CNA certification so it wouldn’t be too far-fetched right?”
“Then what? Go ghost on him after a few weeks? Soul steals the parts from my car when I take too long to respond back to a message. If I were to try something like this, he would probably track me down and put me in the trunk of his car. My man is insane.”
“You’re right about that. We aren’t with regular men. They love hard and dangerously. Even if you were to get out of the city successfully, you would have to completely disappear off the face of the earth. That means no contact with me or Normi because they would track our phones with the quickness.” I chuckled through tears because she wasn’t lying. The men in our livesdid not play around when it came to us and they would stop at nothing until they got the answers they were looking for.
“Maybe we should just pray the cousin wakes up with no memory. You said he was drinking and taking drugs that night so it’s possible they altered his memory. Besides, you said there was no camera footage so he wouldn’t be able to prove it was you anyways. I think we should act like everything is okay and wait to see how things play out first.”
“You’re right. Maybe I need to sleep on this. The worst thing I can do right now is move without a plan. Soul is a smart man, and if I take off, it will alarm him. Plus, I need to come up with a valid reason to get up and leave. I’m gonna go back home and continue to play my role until I can come up with a real plan. In the meantime, I’ll stay away from his family as much as possible.”
“Nothing about this feels right. You’ve got my anxiety up and I have to calm down or Murk will smell it on me. He got a call earlier, so he left before I did. I’m going to head home and try to relax. Please keep your phone on you at all times. If you need me for anything don’t hesitate to reach out. If we need to get you on a plane somewhere out of the country, I will do that.” I appreciated the fact that she came when I called her, but the last thing I wanted was for her to be burdened with the issue I had created.
“I kind of regret calling you. If things go bad, I don’t want Murk to think you were keeping something so important from him. I just didn’t know who else to call, and I needed someone to hear me out.
“Murk is the love of my life, but you are my sister. He would have to understand that because I would never leave you out on your ass, no matter what. You made a mistake, but you aren’t a bad person. You were trying to help someone you loved, and as a result, someone got hurt.” All of this was too much for meto handle, and I worried about the potential fallout if and when the truth came out. Puma thought it would be best for me to keep quiet, but something told me the decision would come back to bite me in the end. I knew Soul and how he operated, and he hated for people to keep things from him. I hadn’t made a definite decision, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest well until I did.
