Page 97 of Search My Soul
While they were talking, I took a moment to check my phone. I had a few messages from the group chat and a few messages from my sister. She had been staying with one of my aunts since the kidnapping and she was miserable. I had been thinking about taking my mother to court for custody so she could come live with me. My aunt wasn’t abusive, but she was strict. I used to hate spending summers with her because we never got to have any fun. Aunt Rema was one of those God-fearing church folks who believed any fun outside of the church was devil worship. When we were kids, she would wake us up to pray in the morning and we would be on the floor for over an hour.
It was ironic because the moment Peaches and Passion turned eighteen, they went wild. They made sure to get accepted into a college that was out of state so they wouldn’t be under their mother’s eyesight. They blocked her and many of our family members on social media so they wouldn’t be able to report back to her, but that didn’t last. Within the first six months of college, Auntie Rema was calling them daily to pray over their lost souls.
I can laugh about it now, but I don’t miss those days. Some church folks treated religion like a cult with rulesand regulations when it was supposed to be about having a relationship with the man upstairs. I have so many traumatic stories from my past, and I truly believed it played a major role in why I became a stripper. It was a form of rebellion. After years of abuse and manipulation, I wanted to prove that I was grown and could make my own decisions. It probably wasn’t the best way to express myself, but I had no regrets.
I promised Riya and West that I would come get them for the weekend, so I let her know I would be there as soon as I left here. I should have brought them with me, but it honestly slipped my mind.
Two more hours passed before I felt myself growing tired. Darion noticed right away, and I felt guilty.
“Let’s get your sleepy butt home.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to end your night early on my behalf,” I told him as another yawn escaped me.
“Yes, I’m sure. We’ve been here for a while, and if you yawn one more time, I’m gonna start yawning. Besides, I have to come back here to help take these tables down, so you don’t have to worry.”
“Okay, fine. I need to fix another plate before we leave. I’m still thinking about that food.” I rubbed my belly, giggling as my little boy kicked me. I took that as him agreeing with me that we needed more food.
“Ma Dukes already fixed our plates and put them up for us. Come on.” Darion held his hand out for me to grab. I appreciated the fact that he was a real gentleman. I never had to tell him how to treat me, because he handled me like fine China.
“I love her. I need to make sure I give her a hug before I leave.”
“You better, or she’s gonna talk about you as soon as you walk out of the door.” Darion laughed, but I knew he was tellingthe truth. Older folks did not play about that. My granny would call us if we left her house without giving her a proper goodbye.
We picked my siblings up on the way, and I was grateful because Lord knows I wasn’t trying to get home only to have to go right back out. They were quiet on the ride to my house, but I knew it was only because we were in the car with Darion.
“Can I ask you a question?” Darion’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Who was that who kept calling you earlier?” I couldn’t say I was shocked by the question because I noticed him looking. However, I wondered what made him ask me. We were nothing more than friends, so it wasn’t any of his business.
“Soul.” Silence lingered between us for a moment as I waited for him to say what was on his mind.
“What’s going on between the two of you? You still haven’t told me why the two of you broke up, but I’ve noticed how uncomfortable you seem whenever he calls. Is everything okay?”
“Our relationship didn’t end on the best terms, but we are committed to being the best parents we can be to our son. There is no bad blood between us any longer, but we’ve both realized that we aren’t made for one another. It has been an adjustment, especially due to my pregnancy, but I’m okay.” I watched him nod so I assumed my answer was acceptable to him.
“Do you still love him?” My face twisted because I wasn’t sure where this conversation was going. However, I wasn’t about to lie because there was no reason to.
“I’ll always have love for Soul, and he’ll always have love for me. Our son was created from love, and we both loved him.”
“I understand that, but do you see yourself being in a relationship with him again?”
“No. We will never be in a relationship with one another, but we’ll always be family. To be honest, I don’t plan to be in arelationship with anyone right now. My only concern is to be the best mother I can be and give my son a good life. That’s not to say I won’t be open to a relationship in the future. I just have a lot of healing to do before I consider it.”
I’ve enjoyed my time with Darion, and I wasn’t blind to the fact that he was attracted to me. I was equally as attracted to him, but I couldn’t allow things to go any further than an attraction. At least for the time being. Soul still held a large part of my heart, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to give myself to someone if I knew my heart wasn’t available to give. My son was the only male who would be getting my attention for now, but I couldn’t say what the future would hold.
“I hear you. I’m glad to know you aren’t closed off to love. You’re an amazing woman and you deserve to have someone who will love you the way you deserve.” I appreciated his kind words, and it made me even more grateful that he was back in my life. Right now, I needed a friend, and that’s the role Darion was playing in my life. He was a great guy, but he was so different from Soul. It was too early to tell whether that was a good thing or a bad one. For now, I would enjoy what we were building and worry about the future when the time came.
“You must have really thoughtyou were gonna get away with the shit?” I stared down at Remi while he sat tied up in the chair. I prided myself on being observant and never letting shit get past me, but this was something even I couldn’t have predicted.
“I almost did.” Remi gloated with pride in his chest. I still couldn’t even wrap my head around it. We used to be thick as thieves, and I would have never seen this shit coming.
“I don’t even want to draw this shit out because you aren’t worth it. Only a bitch would turn on his own family. And for what? Did you really think you were gonna be able to take over my shit when you could barely even handle your simple ass position? I knew you were a dumb ass, but this shit takes the cake.” I stood there with my gun in my hands. I wasn’t in themood for any torture tactics tonight. All I wanted was to see him take his last breath.
“Fuck you, bitch. You always thought you were better than me. You and your family weren’t even supposed to be in the organization. My family deserved to have our own seat at the table, and I should have been the rightful leader.” Remi seethed. I chuckled, noting the fire in his eyes. His dumb ass really believed he was in the right for doing what he did.
“If that were the case, then Salvador would have never allowed Pure and me to step up. You are and always have been an idiot. Even your father knew you weren’t capable of running things. Why do you think you were on our team in the first place? You are reckless and have a hot head. You don’t think before you make decisions, and you react off emotions. You were never fit to lead, and we both know that.”
