Page 114 of Search My Soul
“What?” Lay jumped from the bed and charged toward me. She knew better than to put her hands on me, but I was still on alert.
“You asked me what I was doing that night, and I answered your question. I never invited you to come with me. You invited yourself.”
“If you didn’t want me to go, why didn’t you just say something?” Her arms were crossed as she stood in front of me. I could tell she was offended, and a part of me felt bad for hurting her feelings.
“Because I didn’t mind you going. We were going to a club, not a private party. If that was the case, I probably would’ve told you to stay at home, but I figured you would go off and do your own thing.”
“Was that because you wanted to be all over your ex? Don’t think I didn’t notice the exchange between the two of you. You may have seen it as the two of you being cordial, but it seemed like more than that. I don’t like for a nigga to play with my feelings.” My brows curled as I stood there staring at her.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, but I’m also not gonna sugarcoat shit either. You’re acting like we’re in a relationship or something, and that’s not the case.”
“Which is why I keep asking what we’re doing, but you keep avoiding the question. I don’t chase men, and I never have. I’m too pretty for that shit. I don’t get you. We’ve been practically joined at the hip for the last five months, but the minute I start talking about the future, you shy away.”
“I’m not shying away from shit. When we first hooked up, I made it clear that I wasn’t looking for anything. Don’t sit here and try to make it seem like I’ve sold you a dream that I couldn’t live up to. You said you weren’t looking for anything serious either, so I thought we were on the same page.” This was the exact reason why I kept to myself. People always wanted more than I was willing to give.
“Wow. Well, thank you for letting me know that I’ve been wasting my time. You can leave now.”
“I was doing that anyway, but you got it, love. I’ll see you around.”
“You’ll be blocked before you make it to your car!” I smirked but didn’t bother to reply. At this point, she was in her feelings. I’ve been down this road before and had no doubts she would be calling my phone in a few days, begging me to come back. I should have sat her down and had this talk a while ago, so I guess it was for the best.
Once I made it to the car, I saw that Patience had sent a picture in the group chat of the dinner she had made. My stomach growled when I saw the smothered turkey wings and mac and cheese. I sent her a text back to let her know I was on my way to get my plate. Of course, she told me to come over. I wondered if Duke’s sneaky ass was over there, but I guess I would find out soon enough.
“Uncle Soulie!” Romi jumped into my arms the minute I stepped into the house.
I kissed her all over her face, then carried her throughout the house. I made a detour to my house so I could take a shower and change my clothes. The last thing I wanted to do was be in my family’s face with the scent of sex on my skin. Plus, I was still high as hell, so I tried my best to sober up as much I could.
“Hey, bubs. It’s about time you got here.” Lovely greeted me, followed by Patience.
“Yeah, I stopped by the house to change.” I smirked as Patience gave me a knowing look.
“Oh, you were over there with that basic B-I-T-C-H, huh?”
“Mommy, that’s a bad word.” Romi chastised. I laughed because Patience thought she was getting over on my baby.
“How do you know that?” she quizzed.
“My friend Oneste taught me because her parents always try to spell words out around her too.” Romi shrugged, then slid out of my arms. She ran off to her room before we could say anything else to her.
“Do you see what I have to deal with? That little girl is a piece of work.” We headed to the kitchen, and I made sure to wash my hands before I grabbed a plate.
“Ooh wee. This cabbage looks good as hell. I’ve been missing your cooking.” I made sure to get an extra helping of cabbage and mac, knowing I was about to demolish this plate.
“You wouldn’t have to miss my cooking if you would come over more often. I’m not gonna lecture you, though, because I know how you are.” We headed to the table and Lovely came and sat down too. As soon as I got settled, I dug into my plate. It took a few moments for me to realize the two of them were watching.
“You know it’s rude to stare at someone while they’re eating right?” I paused to gauge the expressions on their faces. They were full of love and concern. Two things I had no use for right now.
“We’re worried about you, Soul. We know you like to have your alone time, but you haven’t been yourself in a long time. We gave you space after the funeral, but we know you aren’t okay.” Lovely vented.
“We love you, bubs. I know you don’t care to express your emotions, but it hurts our feelings when you shut us out. We want to be there for you the way you’re always here for us. We may not understand you all the time, but our love for you is unwavering,” Patience added.
“I appreciate the concern, but there ain’t shit you can do to help me. I gotta work through this on my own.”
“Okay, but you don’t have to shut us out in order for you to work through it. I called your phone for three weeks straight, and you never answered. If it weren’t for Duke having your location, I would have thought something had happened to you. I was so afraid that you had done something to yourself.” My sisters were my weakness and seeing them cry only made me feel worse. There was no doubt in my mind that they loved me, but I didn’t know how to let them in.
“Aww, come on, y’all.” I set my fork down because my appetite was gone.
“I’m sorry. These hormones have me all over the place. I just don’t like not knowing whether you’re okay or not. You’re grown and you’re free to do what you want, but don’t forget you have people in your life who love you. We can’t live without you, and I need you to never forget that shit.” She wiped her face with the back of her shirt.
