Page 48 of Search My Soul
“I have some oxtail in the pot over there, and now I’m cutting up the onions and peppers for the cabbage. The mac and cheese is in the oven along with the cornbread.” I answered proudly.
“Damn, you’re in here throwing down. What you tryna do? Make me fat so nobody else wants me?” he joked.
“Your weight won’t matter as long as you’re still carrying that elephant trunk in your shorts. The hoes will always be there waiting.”
“Let me find out this dick is the only reason why you’re with me,” he whispered as he trailed kisses along my neck.
“Mmmm, don’t do that. I’ll mess around and let this dinner burn up.” I placed the knife on the counter before turning to face him.
“Trust me, there are a million other reasons I’m with you. The dick is a very nice bonus though.”
“Yeah, yeah. I hear you. I missed you. It seems like the more time we spend together, the more I hate being away from you. Murk and nem wanted to play Spades tonight, but I told them I would catch them another night. You might as well pack up your shit and move in. Then I would be able to see you every night.”His statement shocked me because I’ve never lived with a man before.
“You don’t think it’s too soon for us to be living together? Have you ever lived with a woman before?” I asked, knowing the answer already. Soul was very particular about everything in his home, and I wasn’t sure he would enjoy having a housemate as much as he claimed.
“Hell no. You’re the first one to ever get my real address. I’m very selective about who I allow in my space, and I don’t trust very many people.”
“Aww, I feel so special!”
“You should. Most people only see Rosco and Apollo when they are about to become table scraps. My sons love fresh bones.” Soul winked as if he didn’t say some wild shit out of his mouth.
“You are so crazy, and I must be insane because I love your unstable ass.”
“Speaking of that, I have something I need to talk to you about.” My heart pounded out of my chest hearing those words.
“Umm, okay. Can it wait until after we eat?”
“Yeah, sure.” His demeanor shifted, and it worried me. I decided to put it to the back of my mind until after dinner. If it was something bad, at least I would get to enjoy the food I cooked.
The energy at the table was awkward, and Soul seemed distracted throughout most of the meal. I wasn’t used to him being this way, and I wondered how bad his news was.
“You’re really quiet tonight. What’s on your mind?” I probed. The silence was killing me, and I was ready to rip the band-aid off.
“I need to tell you something, but I don’t want it to change the way you view me.”
“Lay it on me, baby. I’m sure it isn’t nearly as bad as you’re making it seem.” I tried to reassure him, but the faraway look in his eyes concerned me.
“I don’t get close to people, so this isn’t something I share often. However, I’m really feeling you, and I want to be open about my life.” I reached for his hand as he continued to speak. “I’m Bipolar,” he revealed.
“Baby, you didn’t have to tell me you were crazy. I already peeped that a while ago.” I teased him until I realized he was being serious. “Wait. You’re being serious. I’m so sorry, baby. I wasn’t expecting you to say that. I’m not well-versed in the condition, so could you help me understand what it means for you?” His face softened, and I could tell he wasn’t upset about my reaction.
“My moods shift during certain periods of time. Occasionally, I might go through mania episodes where I’m a little wilder than usual. You might notice that I tend to sleep less during those times. You’ll probably notice a lot of random things, such as shopping bags or packages, because when I see something, I have to have it. My accountant has set up a mania account for me to use, so I don’t do anything too reckless, like buy an island or some shit.”
“Are you on medicine to regulate your moods? One of my cousins had it, and my auntie would always complain when she went off her meds.”
“Yes, I am. I’m pretty good about taking it, but there are times when I do go off of them.”
“Are you supposed to do that?” I questioned. Since we’ve been together, I’ve never noticed him taking any medicine, so I assumed he took care of that when we weren’t around each other.
“No, but there are times when I need to tap into certain parts of my brain, and the medicine blocks that. I can’t really explainit without letting you into my other life, and I would like to keep you out of that as much as possible.” A deep frown covered my face because I wasn’t feeling what he was saying.
“You don’t trust me?” I quizzed, wondering why he felt the need to keep things from me if we were supposed to be building together. Soul sighed, reaching for my hands after I pulled away from him.
“It isn’t as black and white as you think. I wouldn’t be telling you this if my feelings for you weren’t real. However, there are dark parts of my life that I don’t share in my relationships. Even my sisters are kept in the dark about what I do for a living. They know I run a drug operation, but it’s deeper than that. Keeping that side of my life separate is for my protection as well as yours.” I wanted to pry more because I wasn’t satisfied with his answer, but then I thought better of it. He was opening up to me, so if he thought there was something I needed to know, he would tell me.
“Okay.”
“Okay? What the hell does that mean?”
