Page 118 of Bones
I wanted to beg him to tell people to just keep their fucking heads down, but the words caught in my throat.
Don’t get involved,Wolf growled.Just get out of there.
* * *
After a few days, it became clear I was involved no matter how I felt about it. People kept dropping by the clinic, bringing little gifts or food. They would whisper to me or Mac's crew that Madame needed to be stopped, that she'd gone too far. Everyone seemed to share knowing glances and nods, and panic built in my chest. A wildfire could take off from a single spark, and I was helplessly watching it happen.
The wounds on my back healed, pulling tight on my back as the muscles tried to knit themselves back together. I would have horrible scars, Madame’s mark as she promised, but I tried not to dwell on that.
“I think you’re healing faster than most people,” Griz said one day as he changed the dressing on my back. “Do you always heal fast?”
It sure as hell didn’t feel fast. “I dunno. I don’t get sick.”
“What about injuries?”
I tried to think back to my major injuries. When I broke my arm the first time, it had healed pretty quick, but I figured my young age played into that. I’d had cuts I had to stitch closed myself, but I hadn’t paid much attention to how fast they healed. I’d always been able to get up and work after a beating, but I hadn’t had any other choice. The brand on my chest had healed in a month, but I didn’t know if that was abnormal. The wound on my shoulder Trey had stitched uphadhealed quickly and normally a giant head wound wouldn’t scab over by itself, but mine had.
“Maybe?” I admitted.
He made a thoughtful humming sound.
“Why?”
“I’m just wondering if maybe youdoheal yourself. It’s just slower than other people. Maybe that’s why you reached burnout so fast when you healed Mist. Cause your powers have been workin’ nonstop trying to heal your back.”
I lay there thinking that over, uneasy for some reason. No, not uneasy,guilty.Not being able to heal myself seemed like balance for all the things I’d done. Every death stained my soul, and my own suffering felt like retribution.
Maybe if you stopped trying to be a godsdamn martyr, you’d see that.
I shoved all those thoughts away. I hated how often Mac’s words floated through my mind. I hated how often they taunted me at night when I tried to sleep.
“You ok?” Griz asked.
I forced my tense muscles to relax and the shrieking pain in my back dulled. “I’m fine.”
* * *
I woke up one morning to find a new small table sitting beside my bed. On the table lay the little knife Trey had given me. I’d assumed it’d been lost after I left it buried in Brimstone’s shoulder. Warmth and sorrow flooded me. All my feelings for Trey were still there, like an entire fucking garden of dreams I could see, but not touch. I would just have to find a way to live with them.
“You’re a river. You don’t break, you bend.”
Sometimes I had a flash of brown eyes holding me steady as pain lanced through me in my memories. I wondered if I'd dreamed about Trey while unconscious like I'd summoned him to comfort me. Sometimes I could swear I could hear his voice calling me "darlin'."
In reality, Trey stayed away, and even though I needed him to do that, it still hurt. I kept looking for him by the door, kept thinking about the kiss we’d shared, kept missing him. I tried to withdraw from the others, but it was harder to push Raven and Griz away since they’d moved in, and I relied on them so much just to move and perform basic tasks. Mostly I just got quieter and quieter, curled up in my quilt. Griz and Raven continued to try and include me in conversation, Griz looking worried and Raven looking angry. I hated the hurt in their eyes, and I hated how much I hated it. I didn’t understand why it was sohardto push them all away. Surely I hadn’t dropped my guard that much?
I warned you.Wolf was a constant presence in my head these days.
Get better. Get out.I reminded myself daily.Get better. Get out.
* * *
“Boney, someone’s here to see you,” Raven shouted as she pushed the door open.
I turned, my movements still stiff as I tried to avoid using most of my back muscles, to see Clarity walk in the door behind Raven. My heart dropped at how pale and thin andillshe looked. I hadn't seen her since I healed her from the sickness. I moved across the room, guilt choking me that I hadn’t checked up on her, and she finally looked up and met my eyes.
“I’m ok,” she said, like she could read my frantic thoughts. “I’m not sick.” She seemed to force a smile. “I just wanted to visit you.”
I stopped in front of her, narrowing my eyes to a suspicious glare. I tried to take her arm and let my magic check for itself, but she shifted away like she didn’t want me to touch her. I pulled my hand back. I knew we weren’t exactlyfriendsbut she’d let me heal her before.
