Page 152 of Bones
His arms tightened around me. “I’d guess that might be ’cause you’realwaystryin’ to control what people are gonna do.”
“I am not.”
“Bones.” He sounded exasperated. “You pushed everybody away, and when you finally let me in a little bit, you ran straight to Zip just to get rid of me. That’s control.”
“No.” My voice grew sharper. “That was survival.”
“Survival for who?”
“Me. You. Everybody.”
“You don’t get to make those decisions for other people, though, darlin’.”
“Trey, people who get close to me end updead,” I snapped.
“So it’s better to just refuse to let anyone ever get close to you again?”
Fear turned my stomach. “Yes.”
“So what’s the point then?” he asked. “What are you survivingfor?”
I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t want to admit that I asked myself that same question constantly, or tell him I’d spent the last twelve years only thinking about one day at a time, on trying to survive from dawn to dusk, and I had no idea how to see further than that. I didn’t want to tell him I survived because Wolf’s voice in my head demanded I keep going or that I still clung to a tiny delusional shred of hope that maybe I could atone for Dune’s death.
So instead I shot back at him, “What areyousurviving for?”
“Well,” he said, “I want to make my mom proud. I want to help make this world a better place. And maybe you don’t know this, but there’s this beautiful healer that I’ve kinda fallen in love with, and I want to start a life with her.”
I tried to stay mad, but my eyes prickled.
He leaned forward, his cold nose pressing against my ear. “That’s you.”
I let my head thud back against his chest, huffing out a heavy breath. “Even if that life is always on the run?” I asked, my voice low.
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
“Even if you never get to go back to the Vault?”
He hesitated for a split second. “Yes.”
“Trey,” I said, my stomach sinking at that tiny hesitation, “you deserve better?—”
“No,” he interrupted with conviction, “Bones, you don’t get to decide what’s best for me. There’s that control again. I’ve made my decisions. I’m where I want to be.”
My eyes burned and I blinked back tears. I wasn't trying to control him. I just wanted him to be safe. I swallowed hard and tried to push Rally's screams from my head. I hadn't loved Rally in a romantic way, but I'd loved him as a friend, and it broke me to see him tortured to death. I had no idea how long a body could go before it took its last breath, how much pain a person would be forced to endure in the meantime.
“You did this to him, Angel.”Juck had hissed in my ear.“So don’t you dare close your eyes.”
We rode in silence for a long time. When we stopped for a break, the space between us felt stiff. I hated it. Trey still gave me a smile when I glanced at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I went to relieve my bladder, and on my way back, I noticed he was staring into space with a frown.
Gods, I didn’t want to spend this time fighting with him. I crouched and grabbed a handful of wet snow, packing it into a ball shape. When I chucked it at him, I expected to miss. Instead, my snowball smacked into the side of his head. I covered my mouth with my gloved hands, trying not to laugh. He leapt to his feet, his eyes narrowing at me as he wiped snow from his face.
“You did not—” he growled, but his eyes sparkled, “—just throw a snowball at my head.”
“I would never.”
“Cause I’ll have you know—” He crouched, scooping up a handful of snow, “—I always win snowball fights.”
I couldn’t resist the grin on my face any longer. “Those are some big words.”
