Page 181 of Bones
“With you.” He pinned me in place with those intense eyes.
I turned back around, turning the water off and reaching for a towel, the tears in my eyes and the anger in my chest both burning.
“I don’t need?—”
“Don’t.” He strode to my side and grabbed my shoulders. “Don’t do that. Don’t say you’re fine and that you don’t need help. I know that’s not true.”
I tried to jerk away half-heartedly, but he didn’t release me. “What the fuck do you want me to say?”
“I dunno, but Iwantto be there for you. If Trey could see you right now, he’d kick my ass.”
“Well he’s dead, so you don’t need to worry about that,” I said, my voice getting sharper.
“Bones,” he growled, a hint of anger entering his voice, “c’mon, I’m not just doing this for Trey, ok?”
“Mac, I just want to be alone right now.” This time when I jerked away, he let me go, his hands dropping to his sides. My temper hung by a thread.
“It’s just me.” He calmed his voice, but his eyes still snapped with sparks. “You can let it out. I can take it.”
I heard the echo of him saying the same thing in that horrible cell below the watchtower when I was coming apart. It made my throat ache, but I couldn’t come apart again. If I did, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to pull myself back together.
“Letwhatout?” I snapped.
“All the shit that’s fuckin’ eating you alive,” he snapped back.
I glared at him, my jaw clenched, and he glared back at me. For a long time, we just stood there as I desperately tried to hold it together.
“Why’d you go to the cemetery tonight?” he asked.
I shrugged, looking away.
“Bones.”
I stared at the door, hoping he’d get the message.
“I was there too. I heard what Trey said.”
My gaze swung back to him, panic and pain smashing through my self-control. “Don’t,” I hissed.
“He told you to let them in. He was talking about us, wasn’t he?” he asked.
My fists clenched so hard that my nails bit into my palms, and that muscle jumped in his jaw. I had the sudden image ofbothof us teetering on the edge of a cliff.
His voice came out harsh and rough. “You think I don’t have to watch him die every night in my dreams? You think I don’t hear you screaming when you couldn’t heal him? You think any of this is fuckin’easy?—”
“Ihatehim, is that what you want to hear?” The words poured out of me like vomit. “Ihatehim. I didn’t go lookin’ for this! I was fuckin’ fine just by myself, but he just couldn’t leave me be. He had to get in my head and fill it with all this shit about a better world. He made me fall in love with him and then he fuckin’leftme here alone. And I know it wasn’t his fault, I know he didn’t choose this. I know he wasmurderedand it wasmyfault it happened. I know I’m a piece of shit for feeling this way, but I’m so fuckin’angry.”
I broke off, breathing hard, furious tears filling my eyes. Mac hadn't moved from where he stood tensely an arm's distance away, his eyes glittering. The silence roared in my ears.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Mac finally said, his voice low and rough.
I stared at him, fury running through me again that he pickedthatto harp on. “Are you fuckin’ serious?”
“It wasn’t your fault,” he repeated, his eyes fixed on me.
“It never would’ve happened if I hadn’t let him come with me!” I cried, throwing my arms out in frustrated disbelief.
“You think youlethim?” Mac’s voice rose. “He was dead set on going. You might be stubborn, but Trey was worse, especially when it came to you.”
