Page 65 of Bones
“Trey?” I asked shakily, my mind still stuck in the nightmare.
“I’m right here.” The mattress dipped as he sat on it next to me.
I reached out blindly until my hand touched his bare shoulder. I planned to jerk away as soon as I figured out where he sat, but I couldn’t seem to make my fingers move. His hand came up to rest on top of mine and squeezed, the warmth of his skin seeping into mine.
“I’m here,” he murmured. “You’re safe.”
A strangled sob escaped my lips. I leaned forward until my head rested on his arm and he went still. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but I just so desperately wanted to be comforted.
After about a minute, he let go of my hand to brush my tangled hair from my tear-streaked face. His fingers moved gently against my skin. I wasn’t sure what it said about me that I found it so much easier to be close to someone like this in the dark. He wiped the tears that trailed down my face with his thumb.
“You’re safe,” he murmured again. “Juck’s not here. He’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, but it did nothing to stop the fresh batch of tears streaming down my face. Ididfeel safe with him here, and that knowledge didn’t scare me as much as I knew it should.
He moved away, and I almost begged him not to go before I realized he was just shifting to sit beside me. His arm wrapped around my shoulders, and I immediately curled into him. We sat that way for a long time before my tears finally eased, but I was struck by the realization I didn’t want him to go back to his own bed. His gentle, comforting touch was like a drug and I wanted more. I fought with myself for a while, but my defenses crumbled down, brick by brick. It wasn’t long before I gave up and started to lay back. He immediately dropped his arm, but I caught his hand and tugged gently, trying to pull him down with me. He seemed to hesitate.
“Bones, you sure this is ok?” he asked. “You’re awake right?”
“I’m awake,” I said, my voice hoarse.
I tugged on him again and this time he came with me. I scooted over, giving him room to slide in next to me. He still seemed cautious, even once he lay beside me, so I went ahead and curled into his chest. His arms lightly wrapped around me.
“Promise you’ll tell me if you want me to go back to my own bed?” Trey murmured.
“I don’t want you to go back to your own bed,” I said into his chest, enjoying the feel of his warm skin against my face.
He huffed a quiet laugh and his arms finally tightened around me. “Alright. I’m not arguing.”
Wrapped up in his arms, the horror of my nightmare—mymemory—began to fade. I closed my eyes and listened to his heart thundering in his chest. I waited for him to start pushing for more. I waited for his hands to start wandering. I waited for him to take what he wanted. Even after his heart slowed and his breath evened out in sleep, I still waited. I fell asleep waiting for him to turn into every other man I’d known.
10
Iwoke before dawn.
I stiffened when I realized I lay in someone’s arms, but when I lifted my head to see Trey still sleeping next to me, my entire body relaxed. I watched him for a while and my heart felt raw, like an exposed nerve. I’d never met anyone like him. I’d never struggled so hard to keep my distance. Yes, he was handsome, but he was also kind and gentle and patient—so patient.
I wanted to stay here until he opened his eyes. I wanted those beautiful eyes to warm at the sight of me like they always did, despite how much I pushed him away. I wanted him to smile and pull me tighter and kiss me.
You gonna do this again? You know how this ends,Wolf warned.
I tried to block them out, but Wolf seemed to release the memories with his words. A gentle touch against my skin, fevered kisses stolen in the cool dark desert, a secret smile offered across the bonfire, a fragile hope stirring in my chest, and then nothing but blood and horrifying screams and the tears that streamed down my face as I begged,begged,Juck to spare him.
My spine locked up. I wanted to scream at Wolf to shut up again, but I couldn’t. He was right. I couldn’t do this again. I couldn’t watch the life fade from those brown eyes because of me. I’d taken this too far, and now I had to fix it. Gods, how could I fix it? Nothing I’d tried had worked so far, and I could only think of one other option.
I had to make him hate me.
The grief that swept over me physically hurt, but I forced myself to bear it.
Numbly, I slid out of Trey's arms. He mumbled something and rolled over but didn't wake. I shoved my feet in my boots and cracked the door open just enough to squeeze through. The morning bell hadn't rung yet, but people were up and making their way toward the canteen. I pulled my hood up over my head and fell in line. As I approached the canteen, the bells rang, and people began filing inside. I'd never shown up here before. Sam had been bringing my food to the clinic since that first day. I followed the crowd inside, glancing around.
The canteen was a long rectangular building. Inside there were rows and rows of wooden tables and benches. At the front was a large window where people stood handing out food. Behind them, an enormous kitchen stretched out. I slipped into the line and shuffled forward with the crowd until I reached the window. A man I’d never seen before handed me a warm tin foil packet without even looking up. I took it along with a crooked metal fork. Then I moved out of the way, searching around the room until I found him.
Zip sat talking and laughing with a bunch of similarly giant muscled men. I'd seen him around a few times since I'd healed him. He and his friends were rough and crude and prone to getting into stupid fights, but folks stayed out of their way. Most people didn't mess with them. So I took a breath and made my way over to sit next to him. The whole table went silent, staring at me in surprise, but Zip's face broke into a wide grin.
“You change your mind about that drink?” he asked.
“Yeah, I did,” I said, hoping my voice didn’t sound as dead as it felt.
