Page 123 of Bones
We set off at a quick pace, trying to step in spots of frozen snow to avoid leaving tracks. The snowshoes kept us from leaving obvious human-shaped footprints, but they still left tracks. The nearly full moon shone in the cloudless sky, giving us dim light to see by. Wolves howled somewhere in the distance, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"They're not close enough that we need to worry, yet," Trey said when I glanced at him, wide-eyed.
Soon the ground began to slope up. Trey showed me how to kick the front of the snowshoe into the snow and use it like a step. I stumbled more than once as I struggled to get the movement down. It wasn't long before my legs started to burn, and my breathing grew heavier. We had moved far enough away that I could yell at him now, but for some reason, I didn't. We hiked in silence for what must have been a couple of hours before Trey spoke.
“He’d never seen the brand before?” His voice sounded cautiously curious.
My face heated. “Not while sober.”
“Ah,” he said quietly, then, “Can I ask somethin’ of you?”
I turned to see him staring at me, his face grave.
"Don't ever let someone hurt you ’cause you're trying to protect me, ok?"
I looked away, shame curdling in my stomach. “I didn’t have a whole lot of options, Trey.”
“Bones,” he said gently, and my eyes burned, “you gotta start trying to save yourself too.”
“I’m a healer, Trey. Saving other people is what Ido,” I snapped.
“I know,” he said, still in that gentle voice, “but the way you throw yourself into the line of fire, Bones, it’s like you think your life isn’t worth as much as other people’s lives.”
“It’s not,” I spit out without thinking.
“Itis,” he countered. “People love you, Bones. If you can’t try to save yourself for you, do it for them. Next time you think about throwing yourself in harm’s way, think about Apple.”
I flinched, but he wasn’t done.
“She watches you. Everything you do. You’re teaching her what to think about herself by how you think aboutyou. Why do you think she tried to take on Zip all by herself? Fighting for what's right, that's a great thing, but do you want her to throw herself on top of a live grenade when she didn't have to? When there were other options if she workedwithpeople who were trying to help?”
“Sometimes therearen’tpeople, Trey.” I couldn’t look at him, anger and guilt shimmering in my veins. “You know how many bikers Juck had? Over a hundred. That many people and not a single damn one ever—” I broke off, my voice shaking.
He snagged my arm, jerking me to a halt. “You went through hell, Bones, and gods I’m just grateful you made it out of there, but we’renotthe Reapers. We’ve been tryin’ to show you that for the past, what, six months? I know you didn’t have people then, but you do now.”
Don’t trust ’em.Wolf snarled, but he sounded quieter.
We’re not the Reapers.He talked about the crew like they were here and a part of this. Clearly, they'd been making their own plans.
"So what, they sent you along so you could try to convince me to go back? Is that it?" I finally looked at him, trying to hold onto my anger to avoid giving in to the tears that threatened in my eyes.
"Gods, no," he exclaimed. "Bones, we knew you were planning on running. We knew you had a secret stash of supplies in your mattress. We knew you were gonna try to leave with the loggers. And darlin', all any of us wanted was tohelpyou.”
I stared at him.How?I wanted to ask, but I feared what the answer might be.
“So Mac sent you to keep an eye on me.” My voice came out ragged. “You’re here to make sure I don’t disappear. So I can’t?—”
"Godsdamnit, Bones, I'm here ’cause Iloveyou," he interrupted in a burst of emotion that shocked me into silence. "Have loved you practically since you saved my life on that rooftop. And I'm not expecting anything of you, but I'm here 'cause Iwantto be herewith you.”
His voice grew hoarse and one of the tears I tried to hold back slid down my cheek.
He took a step closer to me and wiped it away, his hands cold on my heated face. "I'm here ’cause those couple times you let me in before you got scared and pushed me away, I saw how much you cared. Then I watched you build those walls back up because you were afraid. And I don't know if you're afraid that I'll hurt you or if you're afraid that you'll hurt me, but I will give it my all showin' you that you can trust me." His hand lingered on my cheek, thumb brushing across my cheekbone. "If you don't want me, I'll find a way to live with that, but I'm willin' to risk my heart just in case the only thing holdin' you back is that fear."
I had no idea what to say. My heart pounded in my throat. The feelings in my chest grew, putting out new leaves and tiny flower buds, but at the same time, guilt drowned me. He didn't know the danger he was in. He was willing to risk everything, but he had no idea how big the risk was.
“There’s something you don’t know,” I whispered before I lost my nerve, more tears sliding down my face.
“Ok,” he murmured, dropping his hand from my face, “I’m listening.”
