Page 141 of Bones
"They were. They were like sisters, but when Lana confided in Raven about what she arranged, what those men were gonna do to you, Raven ran across the whole damn hold to get me and Mac. It's how we were able to get to the clinic before—" That muscle in his jaw flexed. "Gods, when I saw that asshole on top of you if I'd had my gun, I would've shot him without a second thought."
I swallowed hard. I’d been unconscious for that part.
“I’m so sorry that happened, Bones. I’ll never forgive myself?—”
“Trey.” I tugged him to a stop. “It wasn’t your fault.”
He met my gaze, looking anguished. “I trusted Lana when?—”
"It's not your fault," I repeated, squeezing his hand. "I don't blame you." I hesitated, remembering with shame the awful things I'd said to them. "I was lyin' when I said I'd rather be with Juck. I…I only said it ’cause I knew it'd hurt all of you." I took a breath. "Youweredifferent. That's part of why I was so angry. I’d been tryin' not to believe it, but I'd started to, and then…" Gods, this was fucking hard. "I was mad at myself. For darin' to hope that maybe this could be different."
He held my gaze, opened his mouth, then closed it with a grimace.
I waited.
He sucked in a deep breath and blew it back out and tried again. “You told Mac that you knew how to handle it.” His voice sounded pained. “Had…something like that happened before?”
My heart rate picked up and my mouth went dry. I didn’t know if I could speak without my voice breaking, so I just nodded. Fury flashed through his eyes.
“Juck?” he asked.
I nodded again, a chill that had nothing to do with the cold creeping over me.
“Fuck,” he muttered through his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them again, they met mine with a furious sorrow. “I wish I could bring him back to life so I could kill him. Slowly. And painfully.”
I forced a slight smile, remembering the pain on Juck's face as he drowned in the blood pouring into his lungs. "Oh, his death was painful. I stabbed him at least six times."
He stepped forward, dropping my hand so he could cradle my face in his gloved hands. "Good. I hate he hurt you. I hate he ever touched you. I hate that no one fucking stopped him. And I hate you had to kill him to get away." Tears glimmered in his eyes. “An’ I’m so glad you became a part of our crew.”
We’re not the Reapers. We’ve been tryin’ to show you that for the past, what six months? I know you didn’t have people then, but you do now.His earlier words ran through my head again and my eyes prickled.
"I still don't…"
“You don’t what?” he asked.
“I know I’m a pain in the ass.” I tried to lighten the mood, but my pathetic attempt at a joke fell flat.
His eyes saddened, and I hated that I’d put that expression on his face. “I wish I could show you how I see you, Bones. How we all see you. You’re so smart and brave.” He flashed that crooked grin. “An’ yeah, sometimes a pain in the ass, but despite all the horrible shit you’ve been through, you still care so much about people. Most people woulda stopped caring a long time ago.”
“You wouldn’t.”
His smile was sad. “We’ve lived very different lives, darlin’. Sure mine hasn’t always been easy, but I didn’t go through hell like you did. I’m not sure what kinda person I woulda been after all that.”
The lump in my throat choked me. "You wanna know the worst thing I've ever done? I convinced a boy in the Reapers to run away with me. His name was Rally. We were friends—actual friends—and I realized he wanted more. I didn't feel that way toward him, but I saw an opportunity. So I told him I loved him, told him anything he wanted to hear, just so I could get him to take me away on his bike. I knew it was a death sentence for him if he got caught, but I did it anyway." I blinked, trying to keep my eyes from overflowing. "After they caught us a couple of days later, Juck made me watch the Reapers torture him to death." The tears escaped, the horrible memory overwhelming me. "They tore him apart."
“And what happened to you?” Trey asked softly.
More tears escaped and my voice shook. “That was, um, the first time. With Juck.”
His face darkened with fury again. “How old were you?”
“About fourteen,” I whispered.
That muscle ticked in his jaw like he was grinding his teeth. He didn't say anything, just pulled me into him and held me. I gripped him, and for a long time, we just stood there. Telling him all this stuff brought a strange mix of panic and relief. The combination made me nauseous.
“I still think you’re a good person. You were a kid in a horrible situation.” He pressed a kiss to my hair. “The fact you’ve been carryin’ all that guilt with you? It proves that you’regood.”
I started to protest, but he interrupted me.
