Page 36 of Bones
“I’m fine,” I choked out.
“Put the ladder down right now.” He sounded pissed.
I glanced at the ladder lying on the floor. I pulled it up after he turned the light off. A sudden anxiety filled me. "Why?"
“Now, Bones!”
“I’m sorry if I was loud?—”
"I swear to the gods if you don't put the ladder down right now?—"
I threw off the blanket, wiping at my wet face, and slid the ladder back down. As soon as it hit the floor, I scrambled back to my mattress, pressing against the wall. Sam shot up the ladder, scanning the loft with narrowed eyes as he strode toward me, and I tried to brace myself.
“I’m sorry. It was just a nightmare,” I said as fast as I could manage. “I’ll be quieter?—”
“Wait, what?” He stopped, his brow furrowing as he stared down at me.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, my voice wobbling.
Sam crouched where he stood so he could look me in the eye. “I’m not mad. I thought someone was up here hurting you.”
I stared at him, embarrassment mixing with the anxiety and the lingering horror from my dream. “Oh.”
“Gods, did you think I was mad ’cause you were too loud?”
I dropped my eyes, my face burning.
“You were screamin’ at someone to stop.” His voice had an edge to it.
My dream surged back to my mind, the memories of what followed trying to play out in my head. If only cutting out her tongue had been the worst thing Juck did to her. I covered my mouth with a shaking hand, willing myself not to be sick.
“Breathe in through your nose,” he instructed. “Slowly.”
I did, and bit by bit my stomach settled. In the dim light of the moon coming in the window, I couldn't see his expression, but he stayed put and didn't try to touch me.
“Just for the record, none of us are ever gonna be mad ’cause you woke up screaming, but wearegonna need to make sure you’re alright.”
“I said I was fine,” I muttered.
"Yeah, you say that a lot," he retorted, and I saw the flash of his teeth as he grinned. "So far you haven't been fine even once."
We sat in silence for a while, and I tried to wrestle myself back under control so he would go away.
“You have nightmares a lot?”
I had them almost every night, but I shrugged.
"I dunno if anybody's told you, but Mac handpicked this crew. To join, we each had to swear to live by a certain code, knowin' that breaking the code meant exile or execution. Part of that code is not causing harm. Nobody in this crew is gonna hurt you."
I didn’t know if that made me feel any better.
“Madame is a fucking bitch,” he said, “but she lets the crew leaders govern their own people. That’s how Mac carved out a place for us—a safe place. And you’re in it, ok?”
I thought about Clarity and her bruises, Hojo’s skeletal body, and the man who’d died screaming just a few hours ago. I wanted to ask Sam what about them, but I had no high ground to stand on. I’d stayed with Juck for twelve years while he hurt and killed people. Besides, I wasn’t staying here, so I shouldn’t even care.
“I’ll let you get back to sleep,” Sam said. “But can you leave the ladder down? I promise, no one is gonna get in here.”
I gave a short nod and that seemed to satisfy him. He stood and headed to the ladder.
