Page 67 of Bones
I didn't wait for his response, I just turned on my heel and strode away. My throat ached, trying to hold back tears, but I kept seeing the hurt in his eyes. The guilt and shame threatened to drown me, but I would rather he hated me for being a total bitch than watch him die. I managed to keep it together until I got to the clinic where I climbed up to the loft, sat in the corner again, and let myself cry for a few minutes, big ugly sobs shaking my shoulders. But after a few minutes, I forced myself to get up and go wash my face. I didn't deserve to grieve losing him any longer than that.
When I reached the sink I stopped and stared at the wall. A new mirror hung over the sink. It had a little shelf attached to the bottom and on it sat a tiny green glass bottle with a dandelion in it.
My eyes burned again so I washed my face, letting the ice-cold water soothe my swollen eyes. I stared at my reflection after I toweled off my face, avoiding the flower. My red, puffy eyes stared back at me. My face had filled out more since I'd studied my reflection in Clarity's mirror. I looked healthier—well, less sickly. The swelling around my right eye had gone down, leaving an ugly yellow bruise. Trey's neat stitches still held the gash in my head together, but I would be able to remove them in a few days. I turned my head to the side, examining the lighter bruise on my jawline, before meeting my own eyes again. I tried to see the ten year old girl I’d once been, but there was no trace of her in my hollow green eyes and bruised face.
When the first patient came in the door, I got a glimpse of Trey sitting outside. He stayed outside the whole day, both of us pretending not to notice each other. I watched the sun move across the sky with an increasing sense of dread. Too soon the bell rang for dinner. I didn’t go, my stomach rolling uneasily. When the door opened, I jumped, but Sam stood there with a steaming mug of broth and my dinner ration.
“Hey.” He moved into the clinic and set my food on the exam table, then stood there with his arms crossed.
I ignored the food, picking up the mug and sipping it. The warm broth helped calm my stomach.
“I was surprised to see you at the canteen this morning,” he said, his voice suspiciously casual.
I didn't say anything, shame cutting through me that he witnessed me treating Trey like shit.
“You still want me to bring your food here?”
“I can get it myself.”
He eyed me for a moment. “Didn’t Zip try to hit you when you healed him?”
“That was Blaze.”
“Right, my bad.”
I wished he would leave, but he just stood there and stared at me.
“Do you need something?” I snapped.
“I’m just tryin’ to figure out if you went and found the first big, ugly hunk of muscle you saw or if I’m supposed to believe you actuallylikeZip?”
“It’s none of your fuckin’ business.” I glared at him.
“It’s my fuckin’ business when it involves my best friend.” He glared right back, his voice angry.
I dropped my eyes and took a big drink of my broth, hoping it would wash down the lump in my throat. None of them could hate me as much as I hated myself.
“What the fuck are you doing, Bones?” His sharp voice cut through me.
The door crashing open saved me, and Zip’s massive form filled the doorway. I set the mug down and noticed Sam had one hand on the gun at his hip. I stepped in front of him, blocking him from Zip’s view as I walked to the door. Zip seemed like the type to take that kind of threat seriously.
Behind Zip I could see Trey sitting in the chair, watching with narrowed eyes. I ignored him as I stepped out with Zip and pretended I didn’t feel his eyes boring into my back as we left.
We went to Zip's favorite dive, a grungy shack with "Mootzie's" over the door. Zip ordered two mugs of moonshine, a bitter brew that burned down my throat and into my empty stomach. It seemed like all the loggers were crowded inside, and they greeted Zip raucously. Soon everything grew blurry around the edges. Zip laughed next to me, an arm wrapped around my waist. He ordered us another round. Then another. After the third, I realized I didn't care that Zip's hands were all over me. It felt nice, not caring. Gods, how long had it been since I'd been drunk?
Zip and I got separated for a bit when the dive began to fill up with people. I made my way over to the bar to get another drink.
“Bones?”
I turned to see Hawk, the leader of the other Safeguard crew. I’d stitched up a small wound on his arm a few days ago.
“Hey,” I said, and I must’ve sounded a lot more friendly than normal judging by the surprised look on his face.
“I was hoping to see you again.” The surprised look turned into a flirtatious smile.
“You better not be bleeding.” I raised an eyebrow.
“Not bleeding.” He held his hands up in surrender, laughing.
