Page 120 of Fangs
I didn’t have to pretend to laugh when he nearly choked on his food.
20
Sam left a few hours later. I almost asked him if he wanted to stay, but I hesitated, unsure of the boundaries in this new relationship we’d defined. For a moment, he paused, too, almost as though he wanted to ask something, but then he just smiled and wished me a good night. I heard him say goodnight to Wolf and his crew downstairs and head out.
I sat upstairs on my mattress, trying to ignore the crushing weight of being alone pressing in on me again. I could hear Wolf and his crew talking downstairs but couldn’t find the courage to join them. They all still felt… like strangers. They were loyal to my brother, and I didn’t know what my brother thought of me now. I remembered him saying his terms were that Italkto him, and my skin prickled with dread. No one else seemed to find talking as difficult as I did.
Maybe no one else was quite as broken as I was.
I changed into my sleep shorts and shirt, nervously keeping an eye on the ladder, and climbed into bed. Usually, I would go downstairs and wash my face and teeth, but like a coward, I just burrowed under Trey’s quilt.
I hoped I didn’t dream about Trey again.
I swallowed hard.
I hoped Idid.
I woke up mid-scream to someone shaking me and yelling my name.
I tried to scramble away, still seeing Juck’s face, still sobbing broken pleas.
“Ember!”
I blinked, abruptly registering Wolf gripping my upper arm, his eyes flashing.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” The words tumbled out in a panic.
“Em, it’s just a dream,” he said, but his voice was angry, and I cringed.
“Wolf, you’re scaring her,” I heard someone say, and as my eyes darted around the room, I realized Scar was standing on the ladder, watching us.
Wolf was crouched on the floor by my mattress, still gripping my arm. One of my candles sat on the floor beside him, illuminating the small dark loft. My chest was heaving with sobs, and I attempted to get a hold of myself.
Wolf turned back toward me, his eyes sharp, and I dropped mine to the floor. As I woke up more, I wished I could disappear. Wolf released my arm, and I thudded into the wall behind me. I quickly righted myself, my face burning. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been trying to pull away from him.
“Emmy.” His voice had gentled, and it only made me feel shakier. “It’s alright. It was just a dream.”
I wrapped my arms around my torso, trembling. In the silence, we listened to the ladder squeak as Scar returned downstairs.
“Sorry,” I finally managed to get out. “I’m fine.”
He didn’t respond, and I couldn’t help thinking of all the times in the past twelve years I’d woken up from nightmares and wished for him so badly that it hurt. Now he was here, but everything was all wrong, all fucked up.
“No, I’m sorry,” he said finally, shifting to sit beside me on the mattress. “I shouldn’t have yelled. You were just—” he faltered for a moment, “—just beggin’ Juck to stop.”
It felt like all the blood rushed out of my face, and I clapped a hand to my mouth, sucking in deep breaths through my nose. The two of us sat stiffly side-by-side for a while as I slowly moved past the urge to be sick. I was about to tell Wolf he could go back downstairs if he wanted, but then he began to hum.
I’d tried to remember the song he used to hum many times in the past years, but it was like a forgotten word that taunted me from the shadows of my memory. The longer I went without hearing it, the less I could remember how it went. As soon as he started humming it, it flooded back to me, and all that bottled-up emotion escaped.
Wolf had always been there for me at night when I had nightmares, no matter how awful I’d treated him during the day. I couldn’t remember Pa ever comforting me, and Dune slept like the dead. Wolf was the one who always woke up and rubbed my back or held me and hummed. He said it was a song Mom sang when he had nightmares.
I didn’t know my mom, though, and her memory didn’t comfort me. For me, it had only ever been Wolf.
I tried to cry quietly, angling my face away from the candle, but a sob choked me, and he stopped humming. I tensed, but then a warm arm wrapped around my shoulders as Wolf shifted closer, and that was all it took for me to unravel completely.
I covered my face with my hands as huge sobs shook me, but I leaned into him. His arm tightened around me, tucking me against his side, and I felt his cheek rest on the top of my head. He started humming again, and I knew no matter what happened between us, I’d at least have this moment with the brother I remembered.
I woke up at dawn all by myself.
