Page 52 of Fangs
I shook my head and handed him the thermos. He took it but held it in his lap, studying me for a few breaths.
“Sable had a lot of questions about you not eating and getting sick,” Mac finally said.
I blanched. “What did you tell him?”
“Nothin’.” He frowned at my surprise. “I wasn’t about to trust ’em until you woke up and could confirm their story. Besides, all I know is what Trey told me about Juck starvin’ you.”
He didn’t ask, but I could see the question on his face. I twisted the blanket in my hands.Let ’em in.
“I didn’t understand why I’d get sick…not for a long time. And I was always so hungry I’d eat anything I could when he finally let me.” I hesitated, numbness creeping over me as I spoke. “There’s somethin’ called refeeding syndrome. If someone is starved long enough, their body adapts to conserve nutrients, and if you re-introduce food too fast, it makes their body sick.” I paused, my throat tightening. “It’s often fatal, so I guess it was probably my powers that helped keep my body alive. But I didn’t know any of that for years until I read about it. So I just got sick—a lot. And Juck would get…get real mad if I got sick in the tent. So feeling nauseous started makin’ me really anxious. And feelin’ anxious made me nauseous, so sometimes I just get…stuck in a loop.” I swallowed hard. “The only way I know to keep from getting sick is to not eat. And I know that’s notgood,but I’m so used to feelin’ hungry, and I’d much rather feel that than nauseous.”
He stayed quiet for a bit, staring down at the thermos in his hands. “You know none of us will ever get mad at you for gettin’ sick, right?” He glanced up and met my eyes.
“I know,” I held his gaze, hoping he saw the honesty in my face.
“Good,” he said gruffly, then paused. “So, your brother and his crew call you Ember…”
It felt so strange hearing him say my real name, and I felt another surge of grief I would never hear Trey say it. “That’s my real name,” I whispered past the lump in my throat.
“Where’d ‘Bones’ come from?”
I wrinkled my nose, glancing at him, and his expression quickly darkened.
“Are you serious?” he demanded. “We’ve been callin’ you a name that evil bastard gave you this whole time?”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
He sucked in a deep breath, glaring at me for a few seconds, but then he asked, “What name do you want to use?”
I had no fucking idea. “I guess you can call me ‘Em’ if you want.”
“Em,” he repeated in his deep voice, and my eyes overflowed. “What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning.
I didn’t recognize this person I’d become, the soft one always falling apart. “I never told him,” I choked out, pressing my sleeves into my eyes.
“You never told Trey your real name?” he guessed, his voice gentle.
I nodded, forcefully choking back sobs, and he didn’t say anything for a moment.
“He didn’t need to know your real name toknowyou,” he said. “He knew you. Names are just words.”
I dropped my hands to look at him through the tears. He held my gaze, and it was like staring into a mirror and seeing my grief reflected there.
“Not tellin’ him doesn’t mean you didn’t fully love him,” Mac added.
Well, fuck. I didn’t realize how terrified I’d been of that until he said it. I pressed my sleeves into my eyes again, my shoulders shaking. After a few seconds, he shifted and carefully wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I cried until I was too exhausted to cry anymore.
“You should try to get some sleep.”
“Haven’t I been sleepin’ for twelve days?” I mumbled.
“You really gonna try to tell me you don’t feel exhausted right now?”
He straightened, dropping his arm. When I met his eyes, he raised a questioning eyebrow. I scowled, but I couldn’t argue. My entire body ached with exhaustion.
“Besides, you’re gonna get swarmed in the morning, so you better get all the rest you can.”
“Swarmed?” I repeated, alarmed.
