Page 64 of Fangs
To my surprise, he let me go, watching me back away with disgust and fury and pain clear as day on his face. I turned my back on him and walked away as quickly as my legs could take me.
That chasm between us felt like it split so wide we might as well have been on two different worlds.
11
Ididn’t go back to Nemo’s house.
I didn’t have a destination in mind, but I wasn’t surprised when I found myself standing beside Trey’s grave. It smelled like springtime outside. The wind had a hint of warmth, a promise of new life. The patches of snow were worn thin, and the mud squished soft under my boots. Birds sang in the trees. The entire world around me hovered on the verge of exploding with life and growth, and my entire world lay six feet under a pile of dirt.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
Trey would befuriousat me if he’d witnessed that conversation with Wolf.
I hated that I shut down instead of explaining. Why would I let Wolf think all those horrible things about me? Probably the same reason I couldn’t even let a healer examine the fucking brand on my chest. Escaping from Juck didn’t fix me. He was dead, and I was still broken.
My legs felt like they were about to give out on me, so I sat. Then I just gave up entirely and lay down, curling up on my side next to Trey’s grave. The wet mud quickly soaked into my clothes and hair, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. As cold as I felt, it didn’t even matter. If I couldn’t freeze to death in an icy river, I wasn’t going to die lying here in the cold mud, no matter how much I wanted to.
At least, I could agree with Wolf on one thing: I was also glad Mom couldn’t see what I’d become.
Dunelied?
No. Wolf had to be lying. He had to be. Dune would never,neverlie to me, especially about something like that. He couldn’t have lied because if he did, then everything I went through was even more fucking pointless. If I could’ve just told Wolf the truth from the beginning, none of this?—
I shoved those thoughts down, swallowing the bile creeping up my throat, and clenched my trembling hands. Gods, I wished Trey were here.
I closed my eyes and tried to focus—to see if I could sense any little bit of Trey’s spirit. I’d feltsomethingin the river and when Wolf had a gun to my head, and maybe it was just because I thought I was about to die both times, but it feltreal.
Please, Trey. Please don’t leave me. I need you.
Only silence answered, and I felt every single one of those broken shards of my heart with agonizing clarity.
I opened my eyes and watched the fluffy clouds slowly travel across the sky. I could hear the horses whinnying in the pasture, the sound of hammers as people repaired a nearby roof, and children yelling and shrieking as they played. The Vault was healing, moving on, rebuilding. Why couldn’t I?
Even as I wondered it, I knew the answer. I was stuck here in this mud because every part of me that wanted tolivewas buried in this grave.
“Freckles?”
I cracked my eyes open and stared at Lee, of all people. Behind his head, the sun had moved halfway across the sky. I’d apparently been lying here for a few hours.
He glanced at the grave marker. Realization dawned on his face before he turned back to me. “So this is Trey,” he said carefully. “Everyone has been very tightlipped about him. Guess this explains why.”
I didn’t respond.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
Everyone was sorry. I was so fucking sick of sorry.
“You should probably come inside and warm up,” he tried after a moment. “Your lips are gettin’ kinda blue.”
I closed my eyes again, hoping uselessly that he’d leave.
“Wolf’s gonna be tearing this place up lookin’ for you in about two minutes.”
I doubted it. I was pretty sure Wolf didn’t want to see my face ever again.
Lee was talking again, but I tried to tune him out and focus on the sound of the wind in the trees and the feel of the dirt beneath my fingers.
My eyes snapped open when a hand grabbed my arm and hauled me up to sit. The mud released me with a sucking sound, and I met Lee’s dark eyes. He crouched next to me, his hand still gripping my arm.
