Page 70 of A Pack of Pumpkins
Before I want it to be, our time is over. Clara stops at a tent. It screams “her” with drapey velvet fabric that makes up the caravan-like structure, little twinkle lights line the entry, and several pumpkins sit just outside the door.
Inside is a little card table covered by a lacy black tablecloth. A crystal ball sits to one side, and a tarot deck sits to the other. Volunteers for the event set up the vendors tents. They did a great job.
"Can you read me mine? If you have time, I mean."
She smiles wickedly and gestures for me to sit, picking up the deck and slowly shuffling it. She sits across from me and sets the deck in the middle.
"Cut the deck anywhere in half, please." She’s so professional about it. I’m already impressed, and she hasn’t done anything but shuffle.
Clara takes the cards and flips the first one. It depicts a grim reaper surrounded by mist, and the title below reads Death.We look up at each other.
"That seems like an ominous start," I say.
She giggles. "Death doesn’t represent death," she says.
I quirk an eyebrow.
"This is the position for the present, and Death here represents the end of a cycle and new beginnings."
"That seems pretty spot-on," I admit.
"I find these readings usually are," she says with absolute seriousness. She flips another card, this time sideways. "This position is for obstacles." A red-horned demon in chains stares up from the card.The Devilis scribbled across the bottom.
"This just keeps getting better and better," I tease, as something twists low in my gut.
"The Devil can represent addiction. Not necessarily your own," she adds quickly.
I think of my mother and all of the bitter hurt feelings I have over her choices. I think of my own reliance on cigarettes and how it almost cost me my everything. She catches my gaze over the cards and reaches over to take my hand. I squeeze it in mine.
"We can stop," she says.
"No," I say quickly. "I mean, how can we stop before seeing what the future holds?"
Her lips quirk into a small half-smile. She flips the third card. It’s got nine wands all sparking at the ends, but it’s upside down. She sighs, and the small smile fades. My heart drops.
"This is the space for the past. Since the Nine of Wands is reversed, it represents exhaustion, fatigue from what you’ve experienced so far."
"This isn’t a very nice reading so far, is it?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood. Clara makes a so-so gesture, playing along.
She flips another card and blushes furiously. I peer down at a card with a beautiful woman in a flowing dress with a crown. It’s labeledThe Empress.
She clears her throat. "This is in the future position. The Empress in this position represents fertility—" She cuts off, looking away and fiddling with the corner of the card.
I laugh. "Well, okay then. I-I wouldn’t be opposed to—"
"It doesn’t necessarily mean that. Sometimes it just refers to abundance or joy," she hedges.
I nod but can’t help picturing a tiny child with my complexion and Clara’s eyes.
Shequickly flips the next cards, explaining that this slot is for goals.The Hierophantfor tradition and belonging. In repressed feelings is theTwo of Cups,symbolizing soulmates. That one’s not hard to figure out, but it hits deep. I reach out to smooth my thumb over the apple of her cheek. Her eyes flutter closed.
"I’m sorry," I breathe.
She nods and flips the next card.The Starappears, telling me to allow myself to be vulnerable. Easier said than done, but I try.
Then theSix of Wandsfor support from my pack, and theThree of Swordsfor my fear of loss and betrayal. Jesus, this deck can see right through me. Maybe I should let it be my therapist. It’s said a lot of what she’s already told me.
Clara flips the final card. It’s a bright picture of the sun. "This is the spot for the most likely outcome. The sum of your efforts."
