Page 15 of Part of Forever
“Just don’t say anything yet, any of you,” I say and everyone nods in promise. If they don’t agree, no one says so.
6
My hands are shakingwith anger. I clench them into fists to stop the movement. It’s well after midnight, but I pull up Tucker’s info in my phone and call him. He answers after two rings.
“Can you come get me?” I ask, moving away from the loud speaker in the kitchen. I head to the back patio and into the cool winter air, but there are people everywhere. I just want to go home. I want to be alone and not at this stupid party.
“Yeah,” he answers, without missing a beat. “Text me the address.”
“I’m in Newport,” I say quietly. Shame washes through me, and I’m embarrassed that I got myself stuck up here, even though it’s mostly not my fault.
“I’ll be there soon,” he says, and I share my location with him. Walking back inside, I avoid three different couples who are making out in the front room and go sit on the front porch to wait for him, even though he probably won’t be here for another hour.
I hug my knees to my chest, grateful I decided to bring a jacket, even though Shawn laughed when he saw it. I groan. It’s nights like tonight that make me, and everyone around me, question why I’meven trying to date him. Why did I let Mom pressure me into this? When will I stop letting her control every aspect of my life, including who I should or shouldn’t date?
“I have freaking cancer,” I whisper into the night and wrap my arms tighter around myself. I will not cry, not right now, not tonight. I haven’t cried yet and this party was supposed to be a distraction from the news I got earlier. It was supposed to be fun; at least, Shawn promised it would be fun. And Mom said that I could go, because it was with Shawn. But I’m learning more and more that parties and me don’t mix. I really need to stop coming with him. I really need to stop letting us use each other for our own selfish gain. It’s not worth it anymore.
My phone vibrates; the notification is from Shawn on Snapchat, so I turn my phone over. It’ll be a pitch-black picture that’s supposed to be him and his drunk friends. I want to turn my phone off, but I don’t in case Tucker calls. Instead, I put it in my pocket and try to think about anything besides the fact that my cancer is back. But my mind keeps going back to it. I know that the surgery will make my body weaker, at least for a few weeks, but I don’t know what a tumor means going forward. Will I need more tests? Will there be more tumors? Will I have to do chemo again? My chin hits my chest in defeat and I listen to the beat of the music blasting behind me.
I’ve got my face buried in my hands when I hear the familiar hum of Tucker’s truck. I’m down the front pathway and at the street as he pulls up, and I climb in.
“Hey,” he says, and I look up and briefly meet his eyes, which are full of questions.
I glance away. “Thanks for picking me up, Tuck.”
“Of course,” he says as we pull out of the neighborhood, passing houses that could swallow three of mine. Now that he’s here, I might actually cry. Tonight didn’t go like it was supposed to. We’re pulling onto the nearly empty highway when I let out a sigh.
“Wanna tell me what happened?” I feel his eyes on me for a split second.
I sigh again. “Not really, but since it’s nearly one in the morning and you just drove half an hour to get me, I guess I should.” I pause, not knowing what to say exactly. “Shawn has a friend up in Newport who told us about the party. I wanted to stay home. I didn’t do super great on the math quiz and I was really tired from the hospital.” I pause. “But Mom told me I should go; practically pushed me out the door.”
He grunts. It’s always been apparent that my mom is willing to let me hang out with other guys on our own, just not with him. Which bothers him. And me, if I’m honest about it.
“And your tests went alright?” he asks, avoiding the hypocrisy of my mother.
I force myself to smile, thankful it’s dark, so he probably won’t see it. “All clear. But Shawn really wanted to come to the party.”
“So you went.” I can’t tell what he’s feeling—annoyed, maybe? He’s white-knuckling the steering wheel.
“So I went. Shawn drove me, Russ, and Libby. Russ and Libby took off to mingle as soon as we got to the party. Shawn handed me a warm beer and then left me to find his friends.”
“Does he not know that you don’t drink?” he asks me, reminding me that Shawn doesn’t know much about me, and he doesn’t even care.
I shake my head. “No, I think he knows but sometimes forgets, and then he always says that I need to at least hold a cup, or else people will think I’m not ‘cool.’” I hold up my hands and put the words in quotes.
He opens his mouth, probably to tell me how many things are wrong with that sentence, but I keep talking.
“About an hour later I was still sitting on the couch by myself, music blasting through the house and couples making out and drinking. About ten minutes before I called you, I got up to find Shawn to see when we would be leaving.” Anger slipsinto my voice. “I found him in the kitchen with a bunch of guys he called his buddies, but I’d never seen them before. He was completely wasted. Which made me mad, since he said he’d be designated driver and he hates it when anyone else drives his car.
“He sees me and says, ‘Hey, Rosiebaby.’ His words were slurring together.” I shudder—I can’t help it. “It’s not a great nickname to begin with. I asked how we’re gonna get home, and he says, ‘We’re not going home, we’re going surfing.’”
“It’s the middle of the night,” he interjects.
“Obviously,” I say, shaking my head. “He’s an idiot, they’re all idiots. Then, as he was following his new buddies out the door, he yelled that I should probably find another ride home. So I called you.”
“So you called me,” Tucker says. Part of me really wants him to askwhy,even though I’m not sure I want to tell him.
“Thanks for coming. I know I said that already, but thank you. Mom would have killed me if she knew I was stuck up in Newport at one in the morning.”
