Page 37 of Part of Forever
I close my eyes as he leans down and presses a gentle kiss against my forehead. “I like the sound of that, darlin’.”
My heart beats erratically in my chest. Maybe we don’t have to say those three little words to know how we feel. Maybe that can come later, and for now, I can just enjoy every second of forever that we get.
15
“What’s happening?”Grace asks over speakerphone. I’m alone for the first time today and in my hospital room. I told my family to go get some food from the cafeteria because even though I can’t eat, Mom was getting crabby. I’ll be getting prepped for my surgery in a few minutes, so I don’t have a ton of time.
But I came up with the perfect excuse for Grace and Tucker, without having to tell them about the tumor.
“Just an emergency surgery,” I say into the phone. “My stomach was hurting earlier so we came in, and it’s my appendix.” The words don’t sound forced or rehearsed, and I hope they don’t sound like a lie.
“But you’re going to be okay?” Tucker asks and my stomach clenches at the worry in his voice. It hurts more every passing day to lie to him, but no one can find out. I could lose my spot at the Paris Ballet Academy, if they are even going to give it to me. But I won’t risk it. I don’t want anyone to know that I have a tumor.
“I’m going to be totally fine,” I say. “I promise.”
“And you’ll call us as soon as you're done and awake?” Grace asks.
“I’ll call as soon as I’m awake and not groggy anymore. Nathanalready promised to send you both updates. But this surgery happens all the time, the doctor says it’s going to be fine.” This part—well, most of it—is actually true. From the scans, Doctor Barker said that as of right now, the tumor doesn’t seem to be attached to any major organs, it’s just growing in there and it should be an easy removal; then, I’ll be cancer-free again.
“Okay,” he says, unconvinced. Why did I think I could lie to him? But it’s too late now.
“I’m fine, I promise,” I repeat. “Okay, well I’m in a little pain, but that’s better now that they gave me some meds, and I am going to be fine. It’s all going to be fine.” I might throw up because of all this lying, but that will be worth it when I make it into the Paris Academy and all of this is behind me. Maybe someday I’ll sit Tucker down and tell him the truth, but for now, this is easier for everyone.
There’s a knock on my door and I’m surprised to see Lucy standing there. I hold up a finger. “The doctor is back,” I say, the lie slipping easily from my mouth. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“We love you,” Grace says.
Tucker adds, “We’ll be thinking about you.”
“Love you both,” I say and then press end.
Lucy enters the room. She’s wearing a hospital gown that has purple flowers all over it.
“Your gown is nicer than mine,” I say, glancing down at the blue hospital-issued gown I have to wear until I can go home.
“Perks of living at the hospital full-time,” she says cheerily. “Anyway, I remembered that you had your surgery today, and I finally got it out of my nurse which room you were staying in, so I wanted to come say hi.”
“Hi,” I say, setting my phone on the bed next to me and feeling a little awkward.
“Hi,” she says, looking around my room. “I’ll have my nurse bring over some pictures my little sister has drawn. My walls are really covered, but yours could use some brightening.”
“Uh, thanks,” I say. I’ve had only one other group therapy meeting—when I mentioned that my surgery was today—but other than that, Lucy and I didn’t talk much last session. She sits on the edge of my bed.
“Are you feeling nervous?”
My heart feels like it’s beating in my throat. I’ve been pretending with everyone else that I’m completely fine about my surgery and everything that’s about to happen today. But I really am terrified that something will go wrong and that I won’t be able to dance again.
I nod.
She reaches for my hand and I let her take it, even though it’s slightly pulling on my IV which is uncomfortable, but I don’t let go. “I promise it’ll be okay. From what you said, the surgery should be quick and easy and over soon. Plus, I’d think that recovery will be much easier than brain surgery.”
I smile at this, because she’s probably right.
“I really wish I didn’t have to wait a whole month before I can dance again,” I complain. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. Lucylivesin the hospital for months on end, and I’ll only miss one month of dance. I can do that. But Lucy doesn’t seem bothered by my comment.
“It’ll go fast,” she assures me.
“I do get to go to the Valentine’s Dance with my boyfriend,” I say and her eyebrows shoot up.
