Page 48 of Part of Forever
UGH.
I need to tell them. Maybe I will after the Valentine’s Dance next week. Grace already made our dresses and I just want it to be a fun night. I don’t want to have to worry about telling them or having them worry about me the whole time.
I just want to enjoy my life, cancer-free.
Even though I’m technically not cancer-free anymore…
Still hoping the biopsies they did on some of the nearby lymph nodes come back negative (I can’t ever remember how to spell the word that means they don’t have cancer) because then I won’t need any further treatment! But I don’t know when I’ll find out that news.
Love, Rosie
February 14 - The Valentine’s Dance
Dear Journal,
Tonight, Tucker told me he loves me!
HE LOVES ME!
I’ve never had anyone other than family say those words to me, AND I said them back. Wow.
I didn’t know that you could feel this way.
In honor of those three little words that make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, I am going to make a list of some of my favorite memories with Tucker. Grace gave me the idea a while ago when she did the same thing when she was dating Leo. OH. She’s dating NATHAN now! Neither of them told me. I’ll write about that another time though, tonight is just for memories of us together.
1. The day I met him. That was the first time I wrote in here, so I won’t really write about it again, but I am so glad he came into my life.
2. Two years ago, we went to a corn maze/fall festival with several of our friends. Everyone else actually had a date, except me and Tucker, so we were unofficially pushed together into a date we didn’t mean to be on. I wasn’t feeling great because I was on my period, but Tucker was doing stupid things, trying to make me laugh the whole time. Then, there was one moment when we were alone in the corn maze because everyone had either rushed ahead or the others were behind us, and I swear I thought he was going to kiss me. He was looking at me like he wanted to. Instead, though, we heard Grace yelling from up ahead and ran to catch up to her. That was one of the first times I really wondered what it would be like to kiss Tucker Bensen.
3. One day at lunch, shortly after Tucker had moved here, Grace and I found him sitting on one of the school stairwells. He had his head in his hands and Grace immediately went into what we call her ‘mom mode’ of trying to figure out what was wrong. I wasn’t sure what to do—at that point, we were friends, so it wasn’t weird for me to sit on the step by him and put my arm sort of around him and rub his back. My dad did that whenever Nathan or I were upset and italways helped us feel better. Tucker eventually told us that his dad had called him, saying there was no way Tucker would make it big unless he accepted his help. And I guess he also said a lot of other mean things, but we were able to calm Tuck down and assure him that no matter what happened, he was a good singer and that he could still do something in the music world if that’s what he wanted.
I’m not sure why that’s one of my favorite memories with Tucker, but I feel like we were better friends after that.
4. Last summer, right before the 4th of July, we all went swimming together. Me, Grace, Nathan, and Tucker. It was on one of my rare non-dance days, and I was able to just relax and have fun. While we were inside, waiting to get snacks at the small concessions stand, Tucker jumped up—why, we still don’t know. But the ceiling was so low that he hit his head! It was hilarious, and naturally, we teased him about it for months after.
5. Shortly after we met, Tucker and I were hanging out at his house. Grace was in charge of the twins, so she’d gone upstairs to get them a snack, and right now, I can’t remember where Nathan was, since he was usually with us. But out of the blue, Tucker says:
“We should be best friends forever.”
I think I smiled and said something like, “Yeah, we should.” But I remember thinking… can you really be best friends with a guy forever when you’re a girl? Will that mean we become something more at some point? I didn’t ask any of those questions, but after that, whenever he saw me, he’d say, “Hey, best friend.” And just like that, we were best friends, but in a different way than Grace and I have ever been.
Okay, I think that’s enough for now. I’m dating Tucker. He loves me. How did I get so lucky?
Love, Rosie
P.S. I told him about the tumor. I also told him that I’m all clear, and good to go. Which, technically, I still don’t know that news, but I feel good. Doctor Barker was so optimistic and said there wasn’t anything coming up on my original scans, so that I should bein the clear. But I told him. He still loves me. I don’t know why I was so scared to tell him about the tumor.
I’m not sure how to tell Grace, though. She didn’t tell me about her and Nathan (not that he said anything either) but she’s my best friend, and I feel like she’ll be mad. So I may wait a little longer to tell her…
20
“Today we’re goingto be doing something different,” Doctor Simpson, our group therapist, declares. It’s followed by a collective groan and I shift anxiously in my seat. Every time I’ve come to therapy, it’s been the same. We go around the circle and she asks each of us various questions, which we can answer if we feel comfortable or pass if we don’t want to talk about it.
I’m not sure I like different. Plus, this is probably one of my last sessions since Doctor Barker called yesterday to say that my lymph nodes were benign.
“I’m going to split you up into pairs and you’ll be talking with each other today.” Doctor Simpson gives us all an encouraging grin. “Obviously, you’re not trained therapists, so I’ll be moving from group to group if anyone needs extra help. The point of this exercise is to get talking and to listen to your partner. Sometimes, simply talking to someone who’s going through something similar to you can be helpful.”
My stomach flips. I glance around the group and everyone seems to look as nervous as I feel. This isn’t exactly what we signed up for.
