Page 64 of Part of Forever
“I know.” Tucker’s face twists in confusion. “Who’s Lucy?”
“A girl I met at therapy,” I whisper. A girl who’s gone now. “My doctor told my mom that there’s something abnormal about my bloodwork, but they need to do more tests to know what it is.”
Tucker takes a step back from me, and I miss his warmth almost immediately,
“What?” Nathan asks, startled.
“I have to go in for more tests soon,” I tell them, still watching Tucker, who stands a step away from me, as tears slide down my face. “I need you, I can’t go through this again without you.”
Tucker is shaking his head in disbelief; he opens his mouth, then closes it again. His eyes meet mine again and I’m surprised to see tears.
“Please,” I whisper. He takes a step closer to me.
“I love you, Rosie.” He tucks some of my hair behind my ear, his eyes flitting over my face like he’s trying to memorize me. “But I…” He takes a shaky breath. “I need some time.”
A sob escapes me. “What?”
He takes a step back. “I just need some time to think. Keep me posted on the test results, okay?”
“Tucker—” I reach for him, but he takes another step back.
“I can’t…” His eyes looked pained, like he knows this is a mistake, but he’s doing it anyway.
“I don’t want you to leave,” I say. Someone wraps their arms around my shoulders and I sink against them. I don’t know if it’s Grace or Nathan, but I need them. If Tucker walks away, I need someone.
“I’m not leaving,” he says. “I just need some space.”
And then he’s gone, and I break down on the beach.
journal entries - present day
May10
Dear Journal,
I wouldn’t be surprised if Tucker hates me. He hasn’t responded to any of my calls or texts, and when I stopped by yesterday morning before going to the hospital for more tests and scans, Erin said he didn’t want to talk to me or anyone. I don’t know what to do. He said he needed space, but he completely walked away. Who does that? I need him right now, but he can’t seem to handle the idea of having a sick girlfriend. :(
On the bright side (is there a bright side to your boyfriend not talking to you?) Grace has officially forgiven me and she’s come over every day that I’m not at the studio. I can finally dance again—even if it’s not as intense as before, at least I’m dancing. For now.
Nathan is also talking to me more. The shift was so small that I almost didn’t notice until he drove us to school today and I realized we talked the whole time instead of just listening to the music.
Maybe I should have just told the truth from the beginning. I was so afraid of losing Tucker and Grace that I kept my tumor from them, but in a way, I lost both of them.
Then there’s Lucy. I’m not ready to talk about it yet.Any time I think about her (like now) I start crying. Which makes me feel a little dumb. I barely knew her and yet…
I don’t know if Tucker and I will be okay, which I really really hate. I miss him so much. I know I messed up. I don’t know how to make it right.
Love, Rosie
May 12
Dear Journal,
Doctor Barker called today. She said we have to go in. I don’t think that’s a good thing. If it was good news, she would have told us over the phone.
I really want to talk to Tucker about this, but he won’t answer any of my calls or texts. I see him at school, but mostly, he avoids me. I hate this so much.
Love, Rosie
