Page 16 of Things I Overshared
“No, forget it. We are about to travel togetherfor over a month, Emerson. Excuse me,” I spit in a British accent before I can stop myself, “Mr. Hoity-Toity Pants.And I know, I’m ‘So Much Sam,’ as everyone around here says, among other nicknames I know all about, by the way. And you’re on Forbes lists andTheFinancial Timesman of the year, and you know what? I don’t freaking care. You don’t scare me. I wastryingto be yourfrriieend. I was trying to make the next six weeks of our life bearable ormaybe,can you imagine,fun?!My mistake! You want to be enemies, Bucko? Well, fine! You got it!"
I storm out.
Then I turn back and go and grab the beers, which were not cheap and he does not deserve.
“Miss Clark—”
“Nope! Bye!” I cut him off for a change, willing myself not to cuss or call him an asshole, because I am not totally confident he wouldn’t report me to HR, after which Susan and my father would absolutely lose their minds. And their shit. Without ever uttering the wordshit, of course. Canton Cards is a family brand, after all.
For a genius, already a global CFO at just thirty-five, he sure didn’t think this through. His entire itinerary for the next month is in the hands of the most extroverted of extroverts. I start to dream up all the nonstop peopling, parties, happy hours, small talk, loud bars, and strobing dance clubs I can add to our trip.
I storm out of our offices, having swung by to grab my purse and walking shoes, and going the long way to avoid the Snow King. As I do, I smile wide thinking of the brightest, happiest, most obnoxious outfits I have. I will be packing all of them.
All. Of. Them.
You did not think this through, Emerson Clark.
THURSDAY 7:33p.m.
Me: Operation Thaw is scrapped
Now I’m on Operation Rue
BECAUSE HE WILL RUE THIS DAY
Skye: Oh, dear God in heaven, help him
Sally: Yes! Love this energy!
Sally: You don’t need him!
Susan: What happened??
Sadie: Beers didn’t work?
Didn’t even crack one open
He clearly was pained to just talk to me, again
And he gave me this disgusted look, again
So I just straight up asked him
I said, you don’t like my dress, just tell me
And that asshole said, “It doesn’t suit you”
I’M SORRY WHAT
Sadie: What an idiot
Susan: [Facepalm emoji] [Facepalm emoji]
Skye: What dress?
Sally: I hate this guy.
Sadie: What did you say back?
