Page 140 of Things I Read About
She shudders. “I want to believe you, so badly, I do, but you’ll just change your mind.”
“Where’s your phone?”
She frowns. “Huh?”
“Your phone, Sal.” I spot it on the other side of her. I reach and take it from the little side table. I dial the memorized number and put the call on speaker. The line goes live. “Fergus. This is Brenner, I.D. zero-eight-two-five.”
“Nate? Aren’t you in the ICU?”
“Fergus, I’m not leaving Dallas. I’m out. I quit.” I hang up.
“What did you just do?”
I put the phone down and grab her hand again, still needing to keep my left hand on the bed rail to hold myself upright.
“I’m not leaving you Sally. Not now, not ever.” She starts to protest but I squeeze her hand. “You know why I had an episode with you? It wasn’t that I couldn’t see you. It was because of how much you mean to me. My PTSD isn’t from the marines, it’s from when Zachary died. I haven’t had any episodes in years.Years,baby. And then you come along and I’m a mess. These past few weeks, have been the worst I’ve ever been at my job. Just pathetic. Didn’t you catch me staring at you? Didn’t you hear me almost call youbabya million times? I was the worst security ever, Sal. Because a guard can’t get emotionally invested in his charge and stay detached enough to stay sharp. I broke rule number one and fell in love with my protectee.”
“Nate, stop! Stop.”
“Shit, I didn’t even use any idioms.” She tries to pull her hand away, but I hold on. “Wait, there’s one more thing I need to explain. One more reason I pushed you away.” She sniffs, but lifts an eyebrow. “I am dyslexic. Severely dyslexic. I don’t listen to audio books because I want to, I listen because it’s kinda my only option.”
Her eyes go wide. “Of course. I can’t believe I didn’t deduce that.”
I fight a smile. “I can’t believe the girl I love regularly uses words like deduce.”
But I can see she didn’t hear that last bit. She’s staring, calculating, wondering. About my brain, probably. Or maybe about us.
“Sally?”
She looks back at me, returned from her mental journey. “You thought I would care about that?”
I shrug. “It’s not exactly ideal for you, your life is reading. You read words, or music, from sunup to sundown. Sorry luck that you fell for someone who’s almost illiterate.”
She grimaces. "You are not illiterate, Nate."
“But, you did, right? You fell for me? Tell me you're still in love with me too, baby. Please.” Her tears are back, and I feel some of my own gathering. “Sally? Sally. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I need you. Please, just talk to me.”
“Even if I could believe you, I’m not, I can’t…”
I let go of her hand to hold her sweet face instead. “Can’t what, baby?”
“I didn’t even know I was a pescatarian!”
I frown with a small laugh. “So?”
She squeezes her eyes shut in concentration. “Itwasan act, Nate. You want me to be strong and sure, and I still barely speak up for myself with my own sisters. I’m not adventurous, I’m not flirty, I’m not brave.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m not!”
“You took a bullet for me. In what universe is that not brave, Sally?”
She deflates and I shift my weight, feeling the pain start to take over my senses. But I stay focused on her, on my girl.
She adds, “I just mean you want a bold, dark-haired, rock star pianist and I’m not sure that’s me.”
“Sal. I knew in Park City you were putting up a front, I just didn’t realize how much. I’ll never put you on a motorcycle again. Hell, I’ll sell my bike. I called you a hazard because I knew,I knewyou were a hazardto me.That you’d blow up my life and rearrange my priorities, rearrange my whole soul, and I was right.” I squeeze her jaw lightly, because it’s all I can do. I wish I could pick her up, kiss her, hold her forever. “I’ll take you anyway I can get you, Sally. Bold, scared, piano, medicine, blonde, brunette, shave your head if you want. Just let me stay, let me love you. Please?”
