Page 104 of Things I Read About
Kansas City Symphony, Principal Piano
[link]
Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra, Principal Keyboardist
[link]
Memphis Symphony Orchestra, Pianist
[link]
I tap on the first link.
“What…” My heart rate soars.
I tap the second.
These are open positions. Professional auditions.
“I can’t…” I can’t even think, let alone talk.
Nate researched this? Found these for me? He thinks I can do this?
“You can, if you want to,” he says, softly.
I shake my head. “I would have to be really playing, really practicing.”
“You mean the four hours today and the three hours yesterday don’t count?”
My mouth falls open again. It does that a lot around him. I snap it shut, but it falls open again immediately.
He tucks his phone away and stares at me. “I just wanted you to think about it. Really think. Just imagine it.”
“Imagine what?” I say, sounding weird.
“A different path, Sally. One where you don’t have to beYour Mom 2.0.One where you have options other than medicine. Hell, forget piano, too, if you want. Do a completely different third thing. Or a lot of things, try a million. Just, I don’t know,dreama little bit.”
“I dream,” I say, defensive again. And overwhelmed. Confused.
“Okay, then forget it. I…” He walks over to one of the small old windows that looks into the small, overgrown yard. “I’m projecting, I guess. I only ever had one option. And it seemed like your family has made you feel that way. But we aren’t the same. You have a million options; you should get to choose the oneyouwant.”
I stand there and wheeze, processing. Did my family corner me into medicine because of Mom? No. I was like her before she died. I was obsessed with both the brain and the piano, before she died. After…
After, they would’ve done anything. If I’d said I wanted to be a basket weaver, they would’ve found a weaving teacher and bought every book on the subject. They’re endlessly supportive and they want me to be happy. Theyneedme to be happy. And I am. I have been. Other than the almost unbearable loss we all suffered, what’s not to love about my life?
Plus, I’m already enrolled in a top tier medical school. Sadie’s nearby. I have a few first-year and second-year acquaintances here.
Dad’s already told the whole world, literally, in the Canton International Family Fun E-Newsletter.
It would upset everyone and everything to think about changing course now. And for what? Just to imagine the possibility? Not worth it. Not worth worrying them. Not to mention the guilt they’d feel if they thought they’d pressured me. That I was trying to please them. I can already hear the crying, the apologizing, the fawning all over me about it.
No.
It’s fine the way it is.
“You don’t understand,” I start, wondering how to explain it all to Nate.
“You’re right, I don’t. I can’t imagine being so smartandso talented. It’s…” He shakes his head at the window, exasperated. “You’re… you’re mind boggling. My mind is fucking boggled.”
