Page 124 of Things I Read About
Grinning like a little kid who knows a big secret.
32
NATE
Shesokayshesokayshesokay
I take a few deep breaths in the hallway. Luckily, Dean is off reviewing security footage instead of here to witness me pacing, and sweating, and flexing my hands compulsively. Like someone with PTSD.
Shit.
Breathe!
Breathe, man.
I’m okay. I am. I had eyes on her every second. I saw when she screamed, saw it was her phone, not a person or a bullet.
But I also saw her just now. Beautiful, strong, and standing her ground.
Standing her groundagainst me.
Because I’ve pushed her away. On three occasions, apparently. But that last time… what a moron. I’ve replayed it in my mind a million times this week. Standing there in the gazebo with her big eyes crying, her huge heart breaking in my palm, and I just… I just walked away.
I thought I was making the right decision. Maybe I was. I don’t know how a broken idiot like me could ever keep up with her. But, hell, I want to try. Not even seven full days away from her and I’m lost. I am sleeping even less than usual, barely eating. Yesterday, I couldn’t even lift weights while Sadie and Shep slept.
And the second I saw her tonight, I knew. I knew I’d made a mistake. That I needed to pull her aside and say I was sorry and beg for another chance at what she said.
I mean, she was willing to move to Chicago for me!
I step back against the wall and slide down it. I lose my breath again.
“Nate?”
What?! When did Canton 2 and Shep leave their room? Damn it all.
“Yes. Sorry.” I stand as fast as I can.
“Are you crying, man?” Shep asks, sounding almost more scared of the thought of me being emotional than he was of a death threat against his sister-in-law earlier.
“What? No.”Am I? No. Almost. Shit!
“Shep, hand me those.” Sadie starts to take junk food out of his hands.
“Huh?”
She smiles sheepishly at me, then at her annoying husband. “You know who he looks like?”
“A very sad bodyguard who sucks at his job?”
“Shep!”
He shrugs. “I’m just saying, you didn’t hear us come out into the hall due to all the”—he gestures at me wildly with his hand—“weeping and shit.”
“I was not weeping, asshole.”
“Your Rudolf nose ya got goin’ there begs to differ, you—”
“Boys!” Sadie cuts us off. “Shep. He looks exactly like you did, that night you told off my ex for me, and my sisters dragged me away from you. You were screaming my name and they wouldn’t let you through to me.”
