Page 19 of Fastball Fever
She doesn't flinch or even shrug.Her arms are barred over her chest like armor, but the concern in her eyes looks real."Yes, I found out this morning."
"They're sending me back to the minors."
"No, not yet.You have one chance to prove you're still the star pitcher."
"Were you part of this plan to send me down to the minors me?"I clench the paper tighter, making it crinkle in my palm.A breath gusts out of my nostrils, and I pitch the crumpled sheet across the room.
Amy's eyes widen, not with guilt but something else.Something that cuts into me like a hot knife.She steps closer.
"Forget about the scouting report."Amy nods toward the paper I destroyed."Look at these improvements.Your ERA has dropped.Your fastball velocity is up by eight percent."Her tone is assertive, sure, like she's talking down a rookie on the edge of a meltdown."I believe inyou, not numbers."
I want to believe her, for sure.I need to believe.But the report feels like a death sentence, and she's holding the gavel."If that's true, why was the report hidden in Phil's office?"
She pauses, and it's a loaded silence that lets me know she's digging deep to keep her cool."Maybe because someone didn't want you to see it.Maybe because they wanted you focused on what you can do rather than what a sheet of paper tells you."
What she said makes sense.It's all she's been saying since the injury.It's all she's been wanting from me since the day she waltzed into my life.I need her to believe in me.Isn't that pathetic?
"Focus isn't the problem," I explain."It's the fact that I'm getting iced.I can feel it.But I'm the last one to know, like always."
Her expression doesn't change, but there's a flicker of something in her eyes that I can't decipher.She steps closer, past the line of distance she usually keeps between us, the one that's been there since the night we had sex in the dugout.
"The only one who doesn't believe in you, Charlie, is you."
I let out a bitter laugh."Maybe I've got a reason not to."
Amy's lips flatten, a sure sign she's frustrated."Ray threw that paper away because he still believes in you, and he's giving you a chance to prove that faith is warranted.Phil believes in you too, and so do I.The only one who's lost faith is you."
The accusation hangs in the air like a foul ball, its spin undecided."You can't pretend you haven't thought about life without me dragging the team down."
"I don't need to pretend anything."Her voice has an edge now, the kind that slices clean."You know what I've thought about, Charlie?You running down bases.You back at the top of your game.You carrying your team to a World Series victory."
I'm pacing, my feet slapping on the linoleum, every step matching the frantic beat of my heart.I can't stop moving, like if I do, everything will catch up to me and crash over me in a tsunami of regrets.
"Look at the numbers again," she pleads."This isn't about getting rid of you.It's about you turning it around the way you've always done before—until you met me."
I halt mid-step, rotating my head to stare at her.My heart pounds as if this moment could change everything, for better or worse."What are you saying, Amy?"
She rubs her arms, avoiding my gaze."You don't need me anymore.Your fastball is back, and you'll lead your team to glory, I know you will."
Amy thinks I don't need her?She's crazy.I never would've been on the verge of a comeback without her.I reach her in two strides, grasping her shoulders, pulling her so close that our breaths mingle."What happened in that meeting?Tell me, Amy, please."
She worries her lip as tears begin to gather in her eyes.But she straightens and lifts her chin, wiping away the wetness.Amy meets my gaze head-on."Don't you get it?That sheet of paper was crumpled because Phil convinced Ray not to trade you or send you back to the minors.As for me…"
"What about you?"
"Ray ordered Phil to fire me."
"What?"The solitary syllable came out as a half-whisper."But you're my coach.They can't fire you right before our first big game."
Amy shakes her head."Ray is one tough bastard.When he makes a decision, it's final."
I don't know what to say.Too many words crowd my mind.Too much is coming at me all at once.Ray ordered Phil to fire Amy?He's nuts.She's the best damn coach the Admirals have ever had.I study her freshly wiped eyes, the sudden calm in her features, and that's when it fully sinks in.She's made her peace with the situation.
"Why didn't you tell me, Amy?"
She pulls a tissue out of her pocket and gently blows into it.Then she squares her shoulders."This is your one chance to show Ray you still belong in the major leagues.My dismissal shouldn't stand in the way of your success."
The implication makes me wince.Amy thinks I'm better off without her, that's clear.But I could never have come this far on my own after my injury.
