Page 111 of Never Tell Secrets
Was it really that easy? I felt my brows knitting together as I looked up at the man that was taking my breath away with every new day. Today, he was getting everything right yet I still felt off. For once it wasn’t him, it was me. I felt a little lost. My instinct was to ask for space, to ground myself alone, but I was supposed to be letting him in.
“Can you take those off?” I gestured at his glasses and he pulled them off immediately, placing them on the vanity. “I’m feeling a little out of my depth, seeing your eyes calms me.”
“I get it. Maybe we should ban sunglasses in future.” I let out a short laugh. “Talk to me, Lo.”
I sighed and sat on the bed. “Alfie, this is…”
“A lot. I know.”
“Do you?” I glanced up at him, wondering how he could possibly understand what I was feeling when I wasn’t even sure.
“Yes. Your world was a lot for me too. The first time I ever went to your house, that dining table, old and worn out…it blew my mind that you wouldn’t get rid of it just because it was your grandmother’s.” He ran a hand over his jaw. “I couldn’t fathom sharing a bathroom, I don’t think I’d ever stood on a creaking floorboard before in my life, or experienced shitty water pressure.” He held my gaze, his eyes gentle but firm. “This is my life, Lo. I can tone it down here and there but this is always going to be my life. You need to get used to that. Wealth isn’t wrong.”
I paused, knowing he was right. “I know but I haven’t earned it.”
“But I have. Yes, I was born into it but I’ve worked hard enough to deserve what I have now and I want to share it with you.” He took a step into the room, standing over me, claiming my space in that way he always did when he was making his point.
“Alfie, I?—”
“Enough, Lola.”
With just those words, he sent me back in time. How many times had he shut me down when he didn’t want to talk about something? Those words always came right before a manipulation, a seduction, but before I could start to panic, he knelt in front of me.
“I love that you think that way, I love that you struggle to accept things you haven’t earned for yourself but you need to get used to this.” His tone was fair but firm. He was understanding, but he wasn’t going to let me walk all over him or his life either. “Stop overthinking.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, I get the imposter syndrome.” Is that what this was? Before I could pick that thought apart, he stood. Taking my hand he led me into the walk-in. “Get changed, bathing suits are in the top drawer of the dresser.”
I swallowed, those butterflies wreaking havoc in my tummy. “I feel like this is a bad idea, Alfie. You, me, skimpy outfits and Greek sunshine.”
“Seems like an excellent idea to me. I can control myself, Lola. I won’t fuck you till you trust me, that was the deal.” I don’t think he knew how close I was to trusting him.
“I know that but?—”
“But you haven’t shown me your body in years and you’re self-conscious I won’t still like it?” He cut me off and as always, he read me like a damned book. I crossed my arms in a failed attempt to hide my insecurity.
“Well, you’ve probably spent the last two years sleeping with a hundred supermodels so…”
He stepped closer to me, invading my space but not quite touching me. “I requested my personal shopper send over only bikinis, no one-pieces, because you have a cluster of freckles right here,” he brushed his fingers over my hip bone, “and I’ve missed seeing them.”
Once again, the man left me speechless. Did he have any idea how close I was to letting myself be his again?
He held my gaze until he was certain the weight of his words had sunk in, then he stepped away, breaking the moment.
“You change in here, I’ll change in the bathroom. I have a surprise for you anyway.” With that, he left me alone in the closet. Just me and my butterflies.
My hands shaking, I opened the drawer, pulling out one bikini after another before finally selecting a blue one, the least skimpy out of all the items.
I changed quickly, eyeing myself in the mirror. For the most part, I liked my body. My breasts weren’t quite the same size and despite the sunbathing, my skin was still painfully pale but I looked good.
I ran my fingers over the cluster of freckles, a tiny piece of my body I’d never thought much about but now found so beautiful. I wondered if this was love, real love, not the twisted infatuation we’d felt before.
Looking at myself through Alfie’s eyes raised me from ordinary to extraordinary. I noticed my beauty, my best and worst qualities too. I wondered if Alfie felt the same way, I hoped he did. I wanted him to know how extraordinary he was to me.
Dragging my eyes away from my reflection, I returned to the bedroom and sat on the bed to wait for him. My certainty of him grew with every passing day but showing Alfie my body meant trusting him with it and I didn’t know that I was ready to dothat again. I was jolted from my spiralling thoughts when Alfie knocked on the bathroom door.
“Are you ready?”
