Page 120 of Never Tell Secrets
His jaw stiffened. We had done so much work uncovering and healing the damage done by his father, his brother. His mother’s damage, that was something we still hadn’t touched on too much. “You didn’t stand up for her.”
“She doesn’t want me to,” I answered gently, wondering how I could make him understand.
“That shouldn’t stop you.”
“People get to make choices about their own lives, Alfie. I don’t agree with her choice to let her parents treat her like shit but it isherchoice, so don’t put me in the same boat as your sister.” I squeezed his hand, stepping closer, showing him I didn’t mean any harm. “I’m not indifferent, I care. It hurts watching it but she has to decide to stand up for herself and to tag me in when she wants back up.”
He nodded but the frown was still there. I bit my lip, watching him. “That’s not all that’s eating at you.”
“Just old guilt. I wasn’t kind to Keira.”
“No, you weren’t. You hurt her best friend and?—”
“It’s not just that.” He stared at our locked hands, silence ticking by before he finally spoke. “She came to see me at Harrington once, while we were still together.”
I stared at him, shocked. “What? When?”
“The day Adam attacked you.”
The day Keira and I had fought.We’d argued that night, an argument that almost seemed to come out of nowhere. “Why?”
“To tell me to stay away from you, of course.”
Of course. I should have guessed that. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It never felt like it was my place to tell you, now I don’t think she cares if you know.”
“Why wouldn’t she tell me herself?” I asked, glaring at him. “Alfie, what did you do?”
“Just what I did to you.” He lifted his chin the way he always did when he was admitting his sins, as if waiting for his punishment. I wondered if he’d lifted his chin the same way every time he was about to take a beating from his father. “She was trying to break us up so I got in her head, made her question her friendship with you. It wasn’t difficult, the cracks were already there from Adam, I just took a mallet to them.”
I stared at him, my hand falling away from his. “You’re the reason we fought.”
“The cracks were already there, like I said, but yes, I pushed you both over the edge.”
And even after I was attacked and needed her more than ever, he’d still used our fight to manipulate me and drive us further apart.
Bile rose in my throat.
Sometimes, it was like the old Alfie didn’t exist but every now and again, he reared his vicious head and it was impossible to deny how awful he’d been. I crossed my arms, trying to hold onto my anger. Now wasn’t the time or the place for a blow up between Alfie and I.
“Why are you telling me now?”
“Because she just forgave me.”
I paused for a minute. “She really did?”
“Yes. Lo, I’m sorry. I was a different man then and?—”
“I know.” I raised a hand to stop him. We’d done all this before.
I’d been a fool to think we could just let go of the past. You couldn’t do that, not when your past was a tumultuous, storm-stricken sea. Our past was going to crash into us in relentless waves until it finally wore itself out. When it was over, we’d need to lay on the shore, broken and exhausted and assess the damage. To decide if we were strong enough to carry on.
To prepare for the next wave, you had to blink the salt water out of your eyes and breathe while you still could. So that’s what I did, I took a deep breath.
“Never again, Alfie.” I held his gaze, making sure he was taking in every word I said. “You ever hurt her again, we’re finished.”
“I understand.” He studied me but before either of us could say anything else, Damien approached.
