Page 122 of Never Tell Secrets
“He looks at me sometimes, like how Alfie looks at you when you aren’t looking. Like he’s really seeing me…like I matter.”
My stomach twisted. “You’ve always mattered!”
“Yeah, to you. Not to anyone else. My parents couldn’t care less and everyone else, they only like having me around as long as I’m entertaining.” Her free hand twisted in the fold of her dress, her other hand clenched in mine, her palm beginning to sweat. Tension was emanating off her as she forced vulnerable words between clenched teeth.
“Keira...”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She swivelled, hopping off the wall she headed for our villa. I followed her, calling her name but she kept walking.
“I’m fine, Lo. We can talk later,” she snapped as she hurried up the stairs.
“We can talk now!” I called after her but her only response was a heavy huff as she stalked into her room. I followed her and gave her a shove. She let out a half-scream as she fell on the bed. I dived on top of her, straddling her hips so she couldn’t budge.
“Get off me, you nut!”
“Keira.” I grabbed her face, forcing her to look at me. “I’m sorry your parents are idiots. I’m sorry that guys treat you like aslut just because you like to enjoy your body. Damien isn’t like that. He doesn’t judge you, he walks that line just like you, he’s cut from the same smutty cloth as you are!”
“So? I don’t even like him!” she yelled, her dark eyes full of fear and hurt.
“Bullshit.”
Her chest heaved with frustration, trembling with the effort of keeping herself together. “He’s going to hurt me, I can feel it.” Her voice cracked.
“Yeah, and you’ll probably hurt him too.” I eased up, softening. “Fear is a wave, you have to learn to ride it.”
She blinked, narrowing her eyes at me. “Who said that?”
“Who do you think?” I grinned as realisation dawned on her face.
“Ew. I hate that. Get off of me.” She shoved me and I fell onto the bed beside her, giggling. “Just so you know, you have my blessing. With Alfie, I mean.”
“Even though he was a shit to you the first time we were together? He told me that you went to see him at Harrington once, before we fought.”
“He told you that?”
“Yeah, I’m just wondering why you didn’t.”
“Didn’t see the point. We fought the same day and then we weren’t exactly on speaking terms. Then you two broke up. I didn’t want to rub salt in the wound, I suppose.”
My best friend was too good to me. She could have brought it up any time to further drive a wedge between Alfie and I but she hadn’t, she’d given me room to forgive him despite how much he’d hurt her.
“What did he say to you back then?”
“The specifics aren’t important. He just read me like a fucking book, picked up on my insecurities, twisted them, made me doubt myself, our friendship.” She stared up at the ceiling,brows knotted. “The man is a fucking psycho. Or he was anyway.”
She wasn’t wrong. When I think back on how manipulative Alfie was back then, it frightened me. It was easy to forget that he still had the capacity to be that way.
“I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“I’m not. Not now anyway. It didn’t make sense to me then how you couldn’t see what he was like but now I think I get it. He got into my head in five minutes and made me doubt a friendship I’d had for twenty years. I can’t imagine what it was like having him messing with you all the time.”
“He wasn’t always messing with me,” I said quietly. “Sometimes he was real and now he’s…now I barely recognise him most of the time.” I looked at her. “I don’t want to be with someone you hate.”
“I don’t hate him anymore. I don’t trust him, I don’t know that I’ll ever like him, but I can see he’s changed. If you want him, go for it, and if he breaks you again I’ll be there to pick up the pieces.”
“Thank you but I don’t think it’ll be necessary this time. I’ve changed so much, Keira. I’m stronger now, smarter. I know I can survive without him. Do you think it’s time I let him back in?”
She was silent for a moment, her sweet face unusually serious. “I think he’s always been yours and you never stopped being his.”
