Page 138 of Never Tell Secrets
I noticed Angie had gone quiet and I found her watching me. She knew I was watching Lo, I didn’t need to say it. My girlwas pulling into the driveway, which was my cue to end the call. “We’ll pick this up tomorrow.”
“We’re barely halfway through!” Angie wasn’t used to this, to me being anything other than obsessed with work. “Isshethere?” Her tone was laced with jealousy she had no right to feel.
‘She.’Angie always referred to her that way, never using her name, as if stating it would make her real. “You can’t hide me from her forever, Alfie.”
“I don’t intend to. She’s joining us on the Dubai trip.”
Angie looked stunned. “Will you tell her about the cameras before then?” I glared at her. She had no right to ask that. “I won’t go along with your game.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Since when do you care about Lola?”
“Since she and I were both violated by Tell men.” Her words turned my stomach, a guilt-heavy anvil weighing in my gut. Angie tucked a dark lock behind her ear, her shoulders slumping under the weight of her own demons. “Good night, Alfie.”
I barely nodded, I was too focused on watching Lola climb out of the car. I heard Angie sigh just before she disconnected the call.
Lo.
I just wanted Lo.
I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. How did I fix this?
Tell her about the cameras? I would lose her. No question. For good this time.
Don’t tell her? I’d be living a lie.
Without Angie to fill the silence, my father and brother filled it. They haunted me, not like the ghosts of guilt they used to be, but new smirking creatures, watching me from screens the same way I watch Lo. They found it funny how alike I was to them now. A manipulative liar violating those with less power.
I watched her step into the lift, making small talk with Elliot. She was the only person I knew besides Ada that could make that man smile. How could I live without this?
Watching her has become my addiction. I twitched without it, I became short-tempered without it. I needed it. Just in case. Just in case I ever lost her again. This was my safety net.
What sense did it make to tell her? Now, when she finally wanted me back. It would be cruel to hurt her again.
For once, I’d try to be like my father, do away with my conscience. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.
I watched her step out of the lift and walk the narrow corridor into the entrance hall. Her arms wrapped around herself as if cold despite the heat in the house.
I watched her face, waiting for the moment she saw them. Her deep blues lit up as she spotted the bleeding hearts, her soft mouth opening into that warm smile. My chest swelled. I’d made her happy. Just for a moment.
She started on the stairs, my finger hovered over the exit button, waiting till the last possible moment before cutting the feed. Her hand raised to knock on my door and as soon as she turned the handle, I closed the feed and stuffed my phone in my pocket, looking up to find the real thing looking at me like I was worth her time.
Her blue eyes landed on the bleeding hearts littered around my office. They were for me, not her, but she didn’t need to be told that, she knew it already. Finally that gaze landed back on me and she smiled. It took everything not to leap over the table and throw myself at her.
“Hey you,” she breathed, shutting the door behind her.
‘Hey, Lo’.That’s what I meant to say but my tongue got tied. Why did she have to be so fucking pretty? I swallowed, tensing and releasing my jaw.
Get a hold of yourself, Tell.It was hard after being ‘Mr Tell’ for nineteen hours straight to switch back to being ‘Lola’s Alfie’.
She paused, running delicate fingertips over flower petals. “What’s all this in aid of?”
Didn’t she know? My Lo who seemed to know and understand everything before I even understood it myself. Would she understand why I’d done what I’d done? If I confessed, was it possible that…
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook the thought away, I didn’t want to find out if she would understand or not. The risk was too high. “Have you eaten? I’m sure Ada can make something if you’re hungry.”
“I’ll eat when you eat.”
She approached me slowly, rounding my desk. She was careful with me when I was like this, giving me time to adjust to a person being in my space, as if she knew instinctively that I was too lost in memories.
