Page 14 of Never Tell Secrets
“I asked you if you really thought you could see him again without falling back into old habits, but I guess your silence answers that question. You were with him again weren’t you? In your mind?” She picked up her scissors and continued hacking at the fabric. “I swear you think I’m blind, that I don’t notice how often you get that glassy-eyed look and you disappear into your memories. How can you expect to move on if you don’t let him go?” She shook her head. “I don’t understand you. He tried to force a pregnancy on you. He killed a person for god’s sake! How can you even be thinking about this?”
“Forgiveness isn’t the same as reunion, Keira. I don’t want his suffering on my conscience, and I deserve a clean break too.”
“I can’t let you do this,” she whispered. She was scared, I could feel it, and I didn’t blame her.
“Keira. I love you, we’ve been friends since we were three and you know me better than I know myself.”
“Your point?”
“My point is that despite all of that, I don’t need your permission.” I walked over to her and kissed her cheek. “Trust me. I lost myself once, I won’t let it happen again.”
She opened her mouth to argue but was cut off by a knock at the door. Before I could answer it, Maia came out of the hall and beat me to it. It was a strange habit of hers, getting the door first.
I heard her talking to the visitor and an awareness prickled up my spine.I know that voice.Keira met my gaze. She knew ittoo. Dropping her scissors, she followed me to the door. I fixed my gaze on a man I hadn’t seen in over two years.
“Hello, Miss.”Elliot.Maia made a tactful exit but Keira stayed glued to my side. “You look well.”
“I wish I could say the same. You look shitty.” He looked like a parent that had stayed up all night with a sick child. He wore the same stoic expression as always, but there were shadows under his eyes and lines in his face that hadn’t been there before. “Let me guess, Alfie sent you.”
He gave me a sympathetic smile. “Nothing gets past you, Miss.”
“Some things do, Elliot.” A lot of things had gotten past me during my time with Alfie, one of them being my birth control going missing, something I suspected Elliot must have had a hand in. Elliot gave me another sympathetic smile. I felt Keira squeeze my hand and I gave her a look that told her I was fine, I could handle this. She looked concerned but didn’t fight me as I stepped out into the air and closed the door behind me, not wanting Maia or Keira to overhear this conversation. “How did you find me?” I asked, my voice clear and crisp.
“Is that a serious question, Miss?” he said and I gave him a wry smile. Of course. I don’t know how he did it but this man could probably find anyone in five minutes or less. “Mr Tell wanted me to pass on his apologies for Mr Fitzpatrick interfering in your life and asked me to assure you that it was not done with his permission.” He confirmed what I already knew. I nodded, unsure how else to respond. “He also wanted me to extend an invitation to you, for a meeting.”
“A meeting? Is this the part where you frog march me to his lair?”
“No, Miss.” He stifled a smile. “He said that I was to stress that this is an invitation, one that you can refuse freely and without repercussions. He said to use those exact words.” Itdid sound like him. “He also wrote you a letter but he thought that seeing his handwriting would be…difficult.” Alfie was still thinking of everything. Why did that make all of this more real? “Will you take the letter?” Did I want to? No and yes. Why was it always exactly both? Why did he always split me down the middle?
I looked at Elliot. At the scar on his neck, the calluses on his knuckles and a thought came back to me. The thought had started about a month after Alfie and I separated, when the pain was still overwhelming but I could think a little more clearly.
“I have a question to ask you first,” I said and he nodded, waiting. I took a breath, preparing to see if a theory that had niggled me for years was right. “Adam.”
“I killed him,” he answered without hesitation. I swallowed. I knew it. On some level I’d always known it, but standing in front of a murderer sickened me nonetheless.
“I know,” I murmured, his eyes widening slightly. “My question is, was it on Alfie’s orders?”
Elliot paused, seeming torn. “No. He knew nothing about it. I acted completely alone. He took responsibility to make it easier for you to let him go.” I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t nod, didn’t cry. I kept my mask firmly in place even though deep inside, I was breaking. I remembered the look on Alfie’s face as he’d accepted responsibility, theresignation. He knew that taking the fall for it meant losing me and he’d done it anyway. He’d let me go. I held out my hand and took the letter, my fingertips warming on the thick, luxurious paper that had come directly from Alfie’s hands. “Miss?—”
“I’m sure you had your reasons for doing what you did, Elliot, but I just don’t have room to listen to them right now.” The words slipped out like ice, making him pause. He nodded and with a small smile he turned to leave. I stepped into my own doorway but a tingle crept up my spine, aknowing.
I paused and turned my head to see Elliot walking down the street and climbing into the driver's seat of a blacked out Lexus. My gaze fixed on the back windows. I could feel that gaze, that penetrating stare. The car didn’t move. It started but it didn’t move. That was how I knew. Elliot wasn’t leaving until Alfie gave him the go ahead. Alfie wasn’t giving the go ahead until I was safely inside.
He was here…he was so close.
I could run down my steps and be in his arms within seconds. Every nerve ending sang to me to do just that. I gazed at the blacked-out window, knowing that he was on the other side of it, that steel grey gaze staring right back at me. My body wanted him with a ferocity, a burning fire that stoked my every need. But my mind…my mind couldn’t forget what he had done. Feeling almost numb, I stepped through my front door and closed it behind me. I wrapped my arms around my torso, shivering.
“Oh, Lo.” Keira pulled me into a hug and I buried my head in her shoulder.
“He was in the car. He was right there, Keira,” I whispered as she squeezed me tighter.
She held me until I got myself back under control. Until I could breathe easier. I pulled away, calmer now. My chest hurt, the Alfie shaped shrapnel digging in sharply.
Alfie…
I gripped the envelope, clutching it to my aching middle.
“That’s from him?” she asked and I nodded. She sighed. “Sit, read. I’ll get the wine.” I returned to the sofa and turned the envelope over in my hands. My name was written in Alfie’s elegant script across the front and I traced the letters with my fingertips.
