Page 144 of Never Tell Secrets
He’d agreed. He’d lied.
“Lola, say something.” The fear in his voice was unmistakable but I couldn’t bear to look at him. I could only play over every moment in my mind, trying to figure out how I could have missed this. He’d played it so well. I remembered that at our first meeting, he’d asked me if I’d slept with anyone since him. I knew now that of course, he already knew the answer. He just wanted to know if I’d lie about it.
There was a soft knock at the door and Ada came in, a first aid kit in hand. Her motherly gaze immediately went to Alfie.
“Oh, what have you done? Let me take a look.”
“I’m fine, Ada, I can take care of it,” he said as she removed the blood-soaked towel.
“Alfie, that’s going to need stitches! What happened?” She sent a questioning look my way. Her gaze fell on the glass on the floor, then to the broken screen. Recognition fell over her face.
With a sinking feeling I realised that she’d known. She’d known all along. And so had Elliot. My illusion of the two of them as trusted parental figures shattered like fine china.
“Oh, Lola, I’m so sorry?—”
“Ada,” Alfie cut her off, “can you have Elliot call the Doctor please. Also ask him to direct the reporters away from Lola’s apartment.”
With a distraught look on her face, she left the room, leaving me alone with the man of my nightmares. This wasn’t the man I’d fantasized about, this was the one who had haunted my dreams.
I’d fooled myself into thinking that man was gone, but he wasn’t.
He stepped towards me. The audacity of it angered me, the nerve he had to come near me, but still I couldn't find it in myself to react. To shout or cry or even run. I just stood there, numb.
It was gone. All his promises, my dreams of us, it was all gone.
No, that wasn’t true. It wasn’t gone. It had never been there in the first place. It was all smoke and mirrors.
“Lo, please look at me.” He stood close, as if he had the goddamn right. I flinched when he touched me, tight fingers on my jaw, forcing my face to his. “You’re still my girl.”
Some part of me clenched, twisting and writhing to get near to him, but I didn’t respond. I felt hollow, as if he’d scooped my guts out like a pumpkin and carved his own image on my skin.
For the first time, I looked him in the eye. He still looked like my Alfie. But he wasn’t. Not anymore.
I pulled away, he stared at me, desperation plain in his eyes. I side stepped him and grabbed the door handle to leave, but he was there, his hand on the door, holding it shut.
“Don’t, Lo.” His voice was a whispered sob, his breath hot on my neck. “We’ve come so far. Please don’t run.”
I turned slowly, looking at the man I’d been stupid enough to trust. He made me sick. But he wanted me to talk? Fine, I could talk.
“You’re just like your brother, Alfie.” He flinched but he didn’t move away. The shrapnel throbbed in my chest. “You draw women in with your beauty and your charm and then you break them into little pieces. You're worse than Charles, because at least he knew he was a monster.” I ran my disgusted gaze over him, wishing I could scrub away the dirt I saw on every inch of him now, but I couldn’t. “I’m not running, Alfie. I’m just leaving. Now, let me go.”
He stepped back immediately. A weaker man might have looked at the floor, hanging his head in shame, but not Alfie. He looked his wreckage square in the eye.
“I know you’re hurting, despite how calm you’re trying to appear. When the storm hits, I’ll be there. I will make this right, I promise.”
“Another Alfie Tell promise,” I said, “just as worthless as the last one.”
Without another glance, I turned and left the room. I walked away from him, my head spinning. He’d manipulated me again. Violated me again. And I’d let him. Again.
I was a fool. A damned fool.
I winced at the sound of breaking glass coming from the bedroom I’d just left. Alfie yelled and another crash followed but I didn’t turn back. Let the King tear up his palace. I was too numb to care.
I descended the stairs and made it to the small corridor leading to the lift, my bag and coat were still hung up where I'd left them. I slipped them on quickly, my fingers too clumsy to do up the buttons. I stared at my shaking hands. I squeezed my eyes and shook my head. I was in shock, that much I knew. For now, shock was good. Let it keep the pain at bay for as long as possible.
“Miss?” Elliot’s voice was unusually hesitant. I turned to face him, the man who’d helped Alfie infiltrate every private moment of my life. “I can’t imagine how angry you are right now but would you like a lift home? Or can I call you a taxi?”
“No, thank you, Elliot.” I wanted to scream and trash the place but I refused. I turned and walked out.
