Page 166 of Never Tell Secrets
I stepped away, not wanting to be around her anymore. I walked through the foyer and headed for the back exit.
I basked in the setting sun as I stepped outside. The rear patio was a blank canvas that no doubt would be made for elegant dining. Beyond was an infinity pool that blended into the ocean. I felt like I was in another world. Alfie’s world.
I heard someone approach and was surprised to see it was Maia.
“Can I get you anything?” Her voice was strained but polite. I gritted my teeth, trying to keep a lid on the war of emotions rising inside me. “Lo?—”
“Miss O’Connell,” I snapped, rounding on her. “Isn’t that what you should be calling me?”
She tilted her chin, meeting my eyes. At least she wasn’t hanging her head, trying to duck out of what she’d done. A sharp stab of guilt hit me square in the gut. I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that. I could be angry, but I couldn’t ever be mean.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to make your job difficult,” I told her. “I’m going to stay in the presidential suite with Alfie. You can take one of the other rooms. I’ll make sure to let you know when I’m going anywhere.”
She nodded and I watched the conflict shine behind her eyes. To speak or not to speak. Eventually, her words won out. “I’m really sorry.”
“Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.”
Alfie stepped through the doors then and I turned away, unable to look at him. I heard Maia’s footsteps disappear inside as I walked away, heading out towards the pool. A singular dining table had been set up, presumably for us. The thought of having a romantic dinner with Alfie turned my stomach over.
I folded my arms around myself and closed my eyes. I needed peace whilst this latest wave washed over me. Angie had taken me back two and a half years, to a time when Alfie broke my mind into a million pieces, to a time when I’d been weak enough to let him. The shrapnel burned a hole in my chest until I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Cameras. Those fucking cameras. Nausea hit me the same way it did a thousand times a day whenever I thought about what he’d done. It sickened me.
I felt Alfie approach, stepping closer until his body pressed up against mine.
“Lean on me.” His voice was soft. Somehow, it soothed me, smoothing out some of the pain he’d caused.
Forcing myself to relax, I leaned against him, letting him hold me up for a moment. With that, the wave crashed through me.
“I hate you.” My words were choked, as if they didn’t want to be spoken.
Alfie didn’t speak, just stood still, a strong oak tree trying to shelter me from the storm of his making. I released a breath, letting the tension flow out of my body, as if he was coaxing it out of me, one wave at a time.
Eventually, after who knew how long, the pain receded and I could breathe again, think clearly again. I stepped away, needing the distance. He watched me as if observing a wounded animal.
“Whiplash, like I said.”
“LikeIsaid, I can take it.” In that moment, any guilt I might feel for using him to soothe my pain only to push him away again, dissipated. “If Angie ever speaks to you like that again, I’m done with her. No more chances.” The cold anger in his eyes told me he meant every word and I hoped she knew it too. I should be happy but I wasn’t. Being cut off wasn’t what she needed. She needed closure, just like we did. But she wasn’t a problem I could solve right now.
I took a breath, letting Angie, Maia, Elliot and everything else go for now. If I stayed in that pain cycle every minute of the day I was going to drive myself crazy.
“I like your pool,” I told him.
“The transparent wall runs right down to the ocean floor. You can swim in the ocean without being in the ocean.” I shook my head at the decadence. It was incredible. There were parts of Alfie’s life I could definitely get used to. “You can swim tomorrow if you’d like.”
I kicked off my shoes. I wanted to swim now.
“What’re you doing?”
“Playing football. What does it look like?” I shrugged out of my jacket and started on my jeans.
“Lola!” He reached for my arm and I backed up a step. I stared him down, daring him to try to control me. His jaw clenched as he waged an internal war. Eventually, he stepped back. “Fine.” He shrugged out of his jacket, dropping it on the floor.
“What’re you doing?”
“Playing football.” His waistcoat followed next and his tie. Then his shirt. I feasted on the delicious torso in front of me, wishing his body didn’t have such a visceral effect on me. He pulled out his phone and tossed it onto the table.
I kicked my jeans off and in a t-shirt and underwear I took a running leap into the water. The water was heaven. I stayed under until my ears popped and my head felt like it might burst. I felt a shift in the water as Alfie dove in. I kicked up to the surface, meeting him there.
