Page 174 of Never Tell Secrets
“That’s not my point. My point is that I thought I was special to him, but it wasn’t until he met you that I realised how little of the man I really had.” That anger was back, that accusing stare as if I had stolen him away from her. She shook it away, looking guilty. “He met you and he started to change. He started missing work and smiling at his fucking phone. He was happy.”
She stared into nothingness for a moment, lost in her own dark memories.
“Then you separated and I think he really did go a little insane. It was as if everything that happened with Charles and his father had been safely tucked away and you dragged it all outinto the light. You unknowingly released his demons and then left him to deal with them alone. Keeping you in his life, in some way, was the only way to stay out of the memories of all the shit they did to him.”
Her dark eyes were full of anger only this time it wasn’t meant for me, but for two dead men that would never be able to answer to the two people they’d hurt the most.
“The cameras were a biproduct of that insanity, a fucked up coping mechanism. I don’t condone it, nor does he but neither you, or I, or anyone else can be as angry with him as he is with himself.”
I believed her. I knew Alfie was dragging himself over the coals for what he’d done but that didn’t change anything. “That doesn’t help me trust him, Angie.”
“So end it.” She shrugged. “But before you do that, you should take a long look at the man you’d be giving up. You’ve both worked hard to get to this point and now that you’re here with clear skies ahead of you, you don’t want the journey anymore?” She took a step closer to me. “I know I can be a bitch but Alfie Tell is the only person in the world that has ever given a shit about me. So if you’re going to let him go, make sure you let him go in one piece.”
With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of the bathroom, leaving me alone. Was she right? I’d felt so lost in the storm that it hadn’t occurred to me that clear skies might really be waiting for me on the other side. The problem was that to get there, I would have to take the biggest leap of faith I’d ever taken, it would mean trusting a man who had already wronged me so many times.
I closed my eyes, once again feeling my mind spin. I searched for my axis, the thing that would keep me steady. As always, I found Alfie waiting there for me, as if he knew that sooner or later, I’d come back to him.
Fifty-Four
All night, Angie's words had played over in my mind. Everything she’d said was true but acknowledging the fact that Alfie Tell might finally be a good man felt too dangerous. Nevertheless, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being a coward, that despite all my big talk about facing my demons and not running away, that was exactly what I was doing.
I sat in the Miracle Garden under the shadow of the floating woman and for the first time this week, the ideas didn’t come freely. They spun in circles, never taking solid form but through their fog was Alfie’s ever present gaze, patient but waiting.
The day dragged on until I finally snapped my sketchbook shut.
In the car on the way back to the hotel, I made up my mind about what I needed to do next. I wasn’t ready for Alfie but I needed to see Elliot. I asked Maia to take me to him and if she was surprised by my request she didn't show it.
Over the last few days, I’d gotten very good at throwing up a solid mental block between myself and my former roommate. My coldness didn’t seem to bother her but if I’d learned anything about Maia Hyde, it was that she was very good at hiding the shit she didn’t want me to see.
When we reached the hotel she led me to the lift, stopping at the floor below mine and Alfie’s suite. I presumed this was where she, Elliot and Angie were staying. She passed one door, then another and paused at the third and knocked.
Elliot’s face was a professional mask as he opened the door. “Miss O’Connell, what can I do for you?”
My hands twisted in front of me. I’d spent the last twenty minutes planning this conversation but now I was here, I was nervous. “I need to speak to you in private.”
“Please.” He stepped aside for me to enter. I walked in, leaving Maia to wait in the hallway. Elliot’s rooms were immaculately kept. I had a feeling that wasn’t only due to the maids. He stood silent, his hands folded as he waited for me to speak.
"I want access to the images of me."
"Of course.” He pulled out his phone. “I’ll send you the drive link and instructions on how to access it. You should read them now in case you have any questions."
A second later, my phone buzzed. I opened Elliot’s message and my mouth fell open as I read the extensive instructions.
"Jeez…this is intense."
"We take security seriously."
No shit."Image identification? How do I set that up?"
“You don’t need to. We've lifted your image from one of the photos we have of you so it should recognise you. Contact me if you have any difficulty."
Not for the first time, I felt overwhelmed. Like an unwilling participant in a game I didn’t want to play.
"I will. Thank you."
Elliot gave me a stiff nod and I took that as my cue to leave but mid-turn, he stopped me. "Miss, I just wanted to apologise for the part I played in all of this. I don’t expect you to forgive mebut I wanted to say I was sorry all the same." The apology didn’t surprise me but the strained worry in his eyes did.
"You're on Alfie’s side, I get it." The sad truth was that I did get it. I didn’t blame Elliot. I wasn’t his priority and I understood that, I would just need to be careful how much I trusted him in future.
