Page 197 of Never Tell Secrets
Those steel grey eyes reached deep inside me and I shivered. I could see his thoughts beginning to spin in a way I couldn’t keep up with. “Why?”
“I’m selling the house.”
“That’s great! I mean…”
He laughed at my enthusiasm, there was no point denying that I’d hated that house. “Yes, it’s time. Ada’s pleased. She never liked that house either.”
“Where will she and Elliot go?”
“Wherever I go until Elliot is ready to retire, which I don’t think he’ll do until he’s dead or I’m settled down. Whichever one comes first.”
“Hopefully the latter.” I wanted Alfie to be settled and happy more than I wanted anything else.
“Hopefully.” He studied me with a dark look that pierced me to my core. My hands twisted in front of me, a motion that of course he noticed. I dropped them and clasped them behind my back instead, as if that would change anything. Alfie could always read me no matter what I did.
“Did you get my letter? The one I wrote in your journal?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“Yes, I got it.”
I wished that for once he would look away, break eye contact, give me a moment to collect myself so I could be calmer but that wasn’t Alfie’s way.
“Did it help? Are you happy?”
“Yeah, Lo, I am. I think my ghosts will always be there but I’ve made peace with them.” He tilted his head in that searching way. “And you? Are you happy?”
“Yes,” I answered honestly. “Even without you, I’m happy. It hurts sometimes but I don’t dream anymore.”
“Me either.” His nightmares were over and relief settled on my skin. I hadn’t realised how worried about him I had been until this very moment. Worried that leaving hadn’t helped him at all. Worried that he would have gone backwards, further into his cold, grey state. Seeing him like this, colourful and alive, it was everything.
The moment hung between us. It felt as if our history was playing out in front of us, how we’d met, fought, laughed and parted. How we’d tried and failed and tried again. Every single moment that brought us to right here, in my garden, as new people.
Finally, he sighed and I felt the moment begin to evaporate. “I should go. It was good to see you again.”
I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it again. It had been Alfie’s choice to leave, I couldn’t be the one to make him stay, no matter how different things felt now.
“You too.” I offered him a smile, hiding the pain in my chest that urged me to do anything, say anything to make him stop as he walked away. I was about to break when I felt him pause behind me.
“Lo, did you mean what you said in that letter?”
I turned to face him. “Yes, all of it.”
“That you’re proud of me?”
“Yes,” I breathed.
“That you would understand if I found happiness with someone new?”
My chest tightened. “Yes.” I had meant it, I still did. I didn’t want to imagine him with another woman, yet I was determined to offer my support if that’s what he needed.
“I don’t have someone new.”
I released a sigh of relief, a sigh I knew he’d seen. “Me either. I don’t either.”
He took a step towards me and just that one step had my heart racing. His demeanour changed, polite smile gone, eyes fierce with the razor sharp focus I knew so well.
“You said you’d tell me, if we met again by chance or design, if you were free and wanted me, you said you’d say it.”
I hadn’t forgotten my promise. Those three words that would plunge me back into Alfie Tell’s ocean, an ocean that could either drown me or deliver me to paradise.
