Page 27 of Never Tell Secrets
“What happened to your face?”
“Nothing,” he brushed me off, “have a good day at work.” Before he could leave I stepped up and snatched the glasses off him, revealing a black eye.
“Who did that?” Despite everything, the sight of him hurt pierced me to my core. I fought the urge to tend to him, console him. He wasn’t mine to take care of anymore. Without the glasses, I could see the turmoil in his eyes. He really hadn’t wanted me to see the bruise and knowing everything I knew about him now, I couldn’t help but wonder what painful memories that had dragged up for him.
“I told Riley why we split up.” My stomach turned and seeing my alarm, Alfie continued quickly. “Not about Adam, but about the birth control, the manipulation. All of that other shit.”
I was speechless and I stared at him, confused. “Why?”
“He said that you told him to tell me about Ryan because you hate secrets. I hate secrets too. I’m tired of them, Lo.” He looked tired, exhausted deep into his bones. I could only imagine how little he’d slept knowing I was now in possession of every secret he had. “Besides, I didn’t want him trying to pressure you again into giving me another chance.”
I studied his face, trying to read him. Sincerity. That was all I found there.
“I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“It’s okay,” he said, shrugging it off.
“It’s not okay for you to get hit, Alfie.” He stiffened, catching my meaning. I moved on, not wanting to dwell on his past. “Is he going to tell Natalie?”
“I made him promise he wouldn’t but he didn’t like keeping it from her. I was surprised when he said that she spoke of me highly, I’d presumed she would hate me by now.” Alfie eyed me closely and I sighed. I wasn’t relishing the idea of telling Natalie about this. “Why didn’t you ever tell her?”
“She didn’t need our drama on her plate,” I told him but something in his eyes said he didn’t quite believe me.
“She didn’t wonder why you hadn’t moved on?”
“I’ve moved on, Alfie,” I snapped. “I’ve dated other men, I just haven’t had another relationship. I told her the truth, which was that after two nightmare relationships that blew up in my face, I needed some time on my own.”
“Have you slept with anyone since me?” The question didn’t surprise me, I was only surprised he hadn’t asked it sooner.
“That’s none of your business. But I’m sure you know the answer anyway.” I gave him a wry look that he returned with a smile.
“Sex and feelings were never mutually exclusive for you. You can’t have one without the other, so no. You haven’t been with anyone else.”
“Don’t need to sound so pleased about it,” I muttered.
“Shouldn’t I be? Should I relish the idea of you sharing your body with someone else?” His spine straightened as he spoke, dominating my space so naturally I wondered if he even noticed he’d done it.
“You better get used to the idea, because one day, when I’m ready, that’s going to happen. You haven’t ruined me for other men, Alfie.” I straightened my own spine, needing him to be as sure of that fact as I was. Eventually, I would be ready, I just needed Alfie out of my system first. “Will you and Riley be okay?”
“Yeah, eventually. We’ve been friends for too long to fight forever.” He gave me a rueful smile. “What are you going to do about Natalie?”
“I’ll tell her today.” I wasn’t looking forward to that conversation. A strong breeze blew, making me shiver. I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked up at the sky. The clouds were threatening rain as they always were at this time of year. I found Alfie’s eyes still fixed on me, deep and dark. I shivered again, but not from the cold this time. His look was predatory, hungry. “What?”
“You look beautiful.” Whatever I’d thought he was going to say, that wasn’t it.
“I’m wearing flannel pyjamas with muffins on them.”
“Yes, you are.” His longing expression told me he didn’t give a damn about my deeply unsexy pyjamas. I felt a tugging in my chest, the same need I was sure he felt. I wanted him. There was no denying it. That yearning was my cue to leave. I sighed, smoothing my mask into place.
“Goodbye, Alfie.” I turned to go back inside, not waiting for his reply.
“I’ll see you soon, Lo.”
I froze, daring to look back at him. He looked right at me, like he knew it wouldn’t be long before we were together again. Whether that was a threat or a promise I didn’t know, and I didn’t wait to find out. I hurried inside, slamming my front door on the sharp autumn wind and the man that hadn’t shivered once, no matter how much it bit at him.
Natalie was pissed. No. Pissed was an understatement. Natalie wasfurious. Furious with me for not telling her. Furious with Riley for encouraging me to see Alfie again and murderous with Alfie for what he did. I felt sick telling her, hearing the worry in her voice. But I felt relieved too, that the secret was out now. I didn't have to hide it anymore.
Eventually she calmed down, once she’d extracted the promise from me that Alfie and I would absolutely never be getting back together. It wasn’t a hard promise to give. As much as I missed him, being with him was a level of crazy I didn’t ever want to go back to.
